Can’t find my journal… so made a new one lol. Last night as literally amazing, Skated to Giotto, sat and ate with Jeff <3 got zeppole and shared with him. He got the Star Shaped pizza, I ate some but Angelo really suck @ making pizza… it was all soggy and kinda gross, but I was hungry so I ate 2 slices. Then Jeff<3 and I left and drove to his house to get his board too. While i was in his car waiting i watched HULU. But he was taking forever so I texted him, turned out he was bringing beer too haha. So he came down and we drove to the beach walk and drank a beer in his car and talked a little. He’s so cute I can’t get over it. And before when he used to make fun of the way I talked I used to get annoyed and a little upset, but now I kinda love it. Sometimes I just look at him and smile. He really makes me happy. After we finshed the beer we went and started skating. He looks so peaceful when he skates. The way he moves and his face is so realaxed. I could’ve skated with him all night long.
* pause.. gotta do laundry..*
Ok! I’m back. Anyways! We skated for maybe 20 minutes, and he took my phone and took pictures and videos it was cute. But we stopped and sat down for a little bit. We started talking, about me & him and what we want, stuff like that. I want him and I know I should’nt but that doen’t change how I want Jeff. He says ‘idk’ when I ask what he wants. I understand that, he has a daughter with his gf Kate. But i also know that he’s not playing games with me. Idk how I know that i just do, it’s my gut feeling. One thing he said really stuck with me though. He said ‘you won’t get tired of me not being able to give you more?’ I really don’t think I will get tired of it. I mean of course I will want more, I already do, but the feeling I get when I’m with him and how much I smile with him is worth it to me. I really care about him i’m kind of scared of falling in love with him honestly.... I don’t think he would ever try to hurt me, but he does have a daugter with Kate. So idk how long HE will be able to do this. But no matter what I always want to be able to talk to him.... I trust him so much, and tell him a lot. Some things I don’t tell him, like how Tami knows my mom. Because it’s hard to tell someone how your mother never wanted you. I talk about Kev a lot with him. I told Jeff<3 the story about when I was little and jumped into the pool and kev and my dad jumped in. I really love that I can talk to him. I miss talking about kev, and I really miss him. He wasn’t a perfect person but he was a perfect brother. Jeff<3 always tells me he’s not a good person.. but hes not a bad man. He has a really big heart. And I can’t get over him at all. And now I’m getting distracted, can’t stop texting me baby Jeff<3
Man I really like him....
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