I didn’t sell a car I loved or a house that I grew up in. This is not loss that can be rationalized. I lost my twin babies when I was 12 weeks pregnant. Their little hearts stopped beating at about 9 or 10 weeks and yet I had heard their strong heartbeats during my 8 week ultrasound - the day I found out that there were 2 babies to love and not just 1. Everything changed at that 8 week scan. Dreams and visions of a double nursery and 4 little feet running around and playing in the yard. Thoughts of them never being alone and having forever-friends in each other.
September 27, 2017 - the day I found out that my babies had died 2 weeks before.
September 28, 2017 - the day they were removed from me.
April 07, 2018 - their estimated due date…a day that I will not be holding them in my arms.
My babies are gone forever!
They may have been just blobs to some or not even considered a big loss at 12 weeks, but they were my babies! The first time in my life that I had fallen pregnant. I was going to be a mum! But now I’m empty again - physically and emotionally. No growing tummy to look forward to…just a raw aching on the inside that reminds me of the procedure I had just 2 days ago.
Regular people wouldn’t understand the incredible joy of finding our you’re pregnant for someone who’s 31, had health challenges and faced the possibility of never being pregnant. Neither would they understand the pain of losing those babies.
4 little feet running around the house,
4 mischievous eyes smiling up at me,
4 little hands for the biggest hugs,
2 little mouths for the softest angel kisses…
These are the things that I’ll never get to experience from my precious angels…because angels are exactly what they are now.
Loading comments...