Smoke in Stuff

Harry doesn’t really carry a purse these days. She has this thing that looks more like a gym bag. This is perfectly fine with me since it’s a much more cost effective choice. I personally don’t see the need for a purse. I carry a laptop bag to and from work but otherwise just have a wallet or clutch in my hands. I’d gladly carry nothing more than a small wallet in my pocket like a man but too often I’m left with a wardrobe that has no pockets. This is a bit of style sexism that almost forces women to carry bags.

So Harry’s little gym bag thing is sitting on the couch last night and it’s unzippered. Sitting clearly visible inside next to one of her school books is an open pack of Dunhill cigarettes. This caught my attention, naturally.

When she reappeared in the room I said, “Are you smoking cigarettes now?”

She definitely looked shocked. Then I motioned to how visible they were in her bag.

I grew up in a family that frowned very heavily on cigarettes back in a time when it was a much more socially acceptable thing to smoke. So, of course, I started smoking when I was 14. It was something I very much kept hidden from my parents, even as I continued to smoke as an adult. I quit when I was 26. As far as I know, my parents never knew that I smoked and to this day I wouldn’t admit it to them even if they asked me point blank. I don’t want to deal with their judgment on the matter.

I don’t want to be like that with my kids. I don’t want them to smoke for the obvious reason that it’s a bad health decision. But I don’t want them to ever feel the need to hide things from me. I’m always encouraging the open dialogue with all of them.

(I know this is directly contradictory to how I’ve handled a few things with Mercer lately. I’m trying to reconcile that.)

So when Harry didn’t respond immediately, I said, “You’re not in trouble or anything, I just saw them and was curious what’s up.”

She said, “I don’t really smoke…much....but sometimes it makes me feel good.”

Hard thing to argue with. I said, “I thought smoking was super uncool with kids these days.”

Her response, “You know how it is. It’s cyclical. If something is cool now, it won’t be cool next year. And vice versa.”

Smart kid.

I told her that I would prefer if she not go down the path of becoming addicted to cigarettes because it’s eventually going to be something she’ll want to quit doing and it’s not an easy thing. I considered telling her about all the negatives of smoking, but she knows them all. We all know them all. No one these days smokes without realizing all the reasons not to.

Then, feeling unsure that I was saying the right thing, I added, “You don’t need to hide it from me. Just don’t smoke in your room.”

In slightly related news, Megan keeps inviting me to smoke weed with her and I keep coming up with excuses not to, but part of me thinks I’m going to give in very soon.