I wake up to him getti g ready for work, as usual. Making all kinds of noise and taking 15 min to shit while letting the water get hot, then another 15-20 min to shower. You hope he’s having a good morning. Well I just got one od his famous phone calls.
Me: Hey
R: Hey what are you doing
Me: stretching, what’s up?
R: what are you doing today?
Me: no plans just hanging out right now whats up?
R: do you have plans thursday?
Me: Im going to a salt therapy room with [sister] and then giving a massage at 4. Why whats up?
R: [friend] invited us to the bahamas for a day trip.
Me: oh well thats cool. But i work friday morning anyway so i couldn’t go.
R: we’re only going for the day, [friend] needs to get home too.
Me: well it can be a guys trip then.
R: oh im thinking of quitting my job and asking [friend] to make me his superintendent.
Me: well are you gunna wait until you have another job?
R: YOU ACT LIKE IM A MORON! OF COURSE I’M GOING TO WAIT UNTIL I HAVE ANOTHER THING LINED UP! I’VE BEEN DOING THIS SHIT ON MY OWN FOR THIS LONG, I THINK I KNOW WHAT IM DOING.....
And the cinversation just gets better from there. Times like these i wish i could record our conversations because i literally blank my mind during his fits like this. I cant remember what i just said 30 seconds ago, or he twists my words around to make me feel crazy. I “never support him and his decisions.” But me asking a simple question is wrong… i only ask because ive quit without any game plan of where Im going next. I didn’t worl for 6+ months. Why? I didn’t want to and i was in a bad mental place i needed time for myself. He tells me he’s depressed and he can never talk to me because i “show him the bad side of everything”. Im being realistic, not bad. He wants me to just sit there and agree with everything he says… but will never admit to that. Every day is a struggle living with him. His moods are situational and can fluctuate by the minute. Who knows when i see him tonight he could be trying to love all over me, with no apology to how he spoke to me earlier. He makes me feel like nothing i do is good enough and i feel more of a burden to him than a girlfriend. I tip toe in the morning because god forbid i wake him, not the same respect for me. THIS IS SO DRAINING. I have no idea how this entry went because my mind is all over the place but FUCK!
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