Pain 2/12/2005
My heart hurts so badly....It almost goes beyond physical pain. All Mike wanted was to hook up...surprise, I got used again. My chest hurts so badly. Last night he came over and was so affectionate...tickling me and rubbing my shoulders. I made dinner for him last night and stayed in with him to watch a movie because he was sick. I fell asleep on him on the ouch while watching 'Collateral.' It felt so comfortable and safe to be with him...and I tried so hard not to care so much. We moved into my bedroom and talked about silly stuff...he tickled me, we laughed, and talked, and I fell asleep in his arms. For once I truly felt safe and happy. I awoke this morning around 7 am to him drawing those lazy circles on my tummy. The circles got wider, his hand went higher and he ended up fingering me again. I climbed on top of him and he unhooked my bra and I took my shirt and bra off. I removed his shirt and we continued to kiss while he massaged my chest. Feeling particularly bold I put my hand down his boxers and attempted to give him a hand job, which I'm sure sucked. Feeling inadequate, I ended up going down on him. He whispered, "I'm about to come" but I didn't feel him go soft for awhile. I guess I even fucked that up because he definitely didn't come. I'm fucking idiot who cares too much and who keeps falling for the same guys who use her for nothing except sex. We slept for awhile but he left without waking me up to say good-bye. He came over tonight to watch a movie with me but barely said two words to me and didn't touch me. He left in the middle of Van Helsing to go into my room. After about ten minutes, curiosity got the best of me and I went into my room to see what he was up to. He had fallen asleep on my bed. I cried quietly on the couch for awhile. I contemplated sleeping on my couch but it's freezing in my living room and I was already miserable enough. He didn't even tell me he was going to bed. I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed, hoping maybe he'd hug me like he always does. Nope. He muttered, "Did you finish the movie?" I answered him and he went to sleep. No tickling, snuggling, or hug. Nothing. This is what I get for caring too much. I'm feeling so worthless right now.
Loading comments...