So what happened after OD? Where did I go? I’m still active on social media, maybe not as much as I once was but I’m still there. Most it’s because my hide out, that wall we can hide behind was removed. I did go over to PB for a while but for me it just wasn’t the same. I never got my groove back Stella!
In the end I turned to IG mostly. I love the little community that I built up. I knew it was coming, that at some stage it would turn into a place that I couldn’t be fully open. Too many people in real life, work, person and family following. So of course I started to hold back. Even a couple of mums from my first ever mothers group with Callum found me. That’s when I turned my account private and I started to be careful about what I said.
I feel like can’t express my hate of the town we live in. It’s just not for me anymore. I want more, it’s been 9 years I want to open my wings and move forward. But a diary farm in a time of down turn isn’t the best time to sell. I think all the hard work we have put in just going down the drain.
I was able to document our first overseas holiday as a family, then a second trip later in the year with friends and family. But of course when it turned to shit in the second trip I couldn’t express my true feelings of never traveling with family members again.
I don’t talk much about work and mostly that’s due to professional reasons but also because of a person that follows me. Just not worth the risk.
I want to be able to share my next steps in life on IG but I can’t. That fear of judgement or that I’m showing off etc. I know how lucky of a place financially we are in, but my gosh we have worked our ass of for it.
Something else I have been working on is my fear of social meetings. I have never been able to handle groups, meeting new people, making friends very well. Yet at work you would think I was the most bubbliest person in town. I chat away to my patients like there is no tomorrow. Yet put me in the same one on one in real life I fail. I suck big time. I went to the Mums group I guess you could say for Aurora’s age today. Wasn’t about kids was more about us and I had to let that wall down. It was really nice. It was a first day back at school breakfast comes meets thank god the kids are back at school. But for some reason I think we should have had a glass of wine.....
Aurora had her first day back at school today. Grade 1. I have no idea where the last 6 and a half years have gone. It really feels like one day I was pregnant with her and now here she is at school. She had a great first day back. Didn’t want to drive her in and wanted to get the bus. But after I said to her mummy really wants one day where she can drop you off and pick up she was ok with it. No doubt tomorrow morning we will be meeting the bus at the end of our drive away and she will be off again. I miss having her around in the day. She loves School.
Sorry such a random mix of topics in this entry.
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