Um...Can't Think of a Title for This Subject 10/25/2003
I didn't want to name my entry something obscene like "Losing It" or something like that. It doesn't really matter what I name it since most of it is going into a private entry on Open Diary anyway. Ever since I met Chris I already made three private entries. It sucks because as much as I want feedback and advice, I don't think it's appropriate to talk about the intimate stuff I do in the bedroom over the Internet.
But anyway....Chris called me and IMed last last night asking what I was doing and asked if he could come over after he went out with his friends. I said OK, even though I really should not have seeing as I'm so far behind in my work and I still haven't finished my presents for my Little. He came over at about 2 am and we watched Training Day for awhile. I honestly thought it would be another one of those laid-back nights like last time..as it turned out, it was the opposite. At one point he softly squeezed my waist and when I looked at him he just leaned over and kissed me. Make a long story short, that was the last I saw of the movie.
No-one was in my apartment except us so we were in the living room for awhile doing stuff. I was actually kind of shocked how fast things were moving but I wasn't sure if I wanted it to stop or not, so I didn't. Besides, it's Chris. He would've stopped at any point had I asked.
We decided to move into my room in case my apartment-mates came home and found us on the couch...I later remembered that I left my shirt on my living room floor, which I'm sure Big, Maria, and Steph saw.
Last night was definitely...ahhh...err...educational. I'm still a virgin, but through no choice of my own..or Chris's, I guess. After last night I realized how tough guys have it. Girls can just go for it whenever they want, but guys have to...um......get themselves ready I guess....requires more work....
I found out something interesting last night. I'm deciding on whether I like this or not. I had spoken to my friend and pledge-sister, Lauren, about having sex with Chris and how to go about telling him that I was a virgin. She told me that when the mood was right I should tell him. So, last night, the mood was definitely right and I figured I should tell him soon lest he find out the hard way. So I admitted that I was, but said it so fast he made me repeat it. When I said it again, he got really quiet for a few minutes. I kept saying, "Don't flip out...I know you're flipping out, but don't." So finally he says quietly, "So am I." I dunno, maybe this is sexist, but I always imagined guys having sex at a much younger age than girls. And when I see the statistic, "86% of college undergraduates are sexually active," I always imagine that remaining 14% as being female. On on hand, I'm glad he is because I am by nature a jealous person. The thought of him doing the same stuff with other girls that he does with me is, to say the least, unsettling. However, this also presents a problem because neither one of us knows what the hell they're doing. Which was definitely apparent last night. As the older one I feel I should have more knowledge about this subject and feel kind of stupid that I don't.
When I say that I'm a virgin, I mean that in every way of the word. Up until Chris, the most I've ever done with a guy is minor fooling around. I was never comfortable enough with a guy to do more than that.
I'll write more later
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