im losing... in The Darkness

I am losing this fight. I’m not going to win. They keep leaving me. When someone dies. You lose them once. I lose them over and over and over. It’s like a torturous Groundhog Day. Are they wanting to see me die? I don’t understand anymore. I’m not in a good place. Trying not to hurt myself is getting so hard. I feel it so strongly right now. I had to go somewhere with this. I have no where and no one left to turn to. This is why people die.