This week, Candace Cameron Bure, best known as DJ from “Full House” and “Fuller House” announced her new book called “Kind is the New Classy: The Power of Living Graciously”. I already had plans to create a blog at a later time, but this announcement sparked a fire inside, and now the blog is suddenly here. As someone who has been inspired by her previous works and finds her style of “narration” uniquely relatable and engaging, I have been, to put it bluntly, craving for her to write a book on kindness. I have not only witnessed the grace and wisdom she showed through disagreements on “The View”, but also through her interviews and other projects. Based on these events, I knew that she could speak to people’s hearts in a way that few others can, and that instigated my desire to see her write a book about kindness. I am confident that, although I have obviously not had the opportunity to read the book yet, it will live up to the expectations and reach people in a refreshing way, motivating them to evaluate the intentions of their heart.
You may wonder why the announcement of an unreleased book would put my typing fingers into overdrive. Well, there are a couple of reasons, the most significant one being that I’m in the process of attempting to put together a project that relates to the theme of her book – and the idea for that project started a long time ago, partially based upon her own public experiences in dealing with our “clashing cultural expectations”, a wise term used in her book description. Another reason is that, in addition to my personal stories, I am disheartened by the continuous decline of respect and kindness in our society. And now more than ever, we should all admit that silence begets violence; speaking up is the first step toward change.
One more reason is that, later last year, someone mentioned to me that people have to be nice to them first before they will be nice in return. That comment has bothered me ever since. The Bible repeatedly demonstrates the need for us to be kind to others, as that’s where The Golden Rule (treat others the way you want to be treated) came from, which desperately needs to be put back into our schools and lives. Along with the Bible’s commands to love your neighbor as yourself, there is the common sense fact that someone has to be nice first or the pleasant atmosphere will not exist, neither would friendships or relationships – or even handshakes.
A common misconception is that being kind and classy ruins comedy or means a person cannot have a sense of humor. In the South, sassy is classy (Julia Sugarbaker, anyone?); it’s in our DNA, but it’s considered classy because, to us, it’s about balance and respect; though we speak our minds, we do it with tact. We understand that it’s crucial to keep in mind who we’re speaking to and the borders not to cross, out of respect and morals. Expressing kindness does not take away the ability to lovingly tease and joke with others. These days, “shade” has turned into a trend, but we must keep in the back of our minds where the line should be drawn; we need to be able to decipher at what point fun and games evolves into us being the loser and make it our policy to stay behind those boundaries.
When reading the Bible or analyzing life, it is easy to gather that even God has a sense of humor, meaning that His heart is always in the right place, even in the midst of crazy things happening. Our heart’s intentions play an essential role in the definition of kindness.
But at what point do people’s good intentions turn into judgement that crosses the line?
Christians have a tendency to misconstrue the Bible’s instructions on helping others in their walk with God. Our job is to walk along beside them, not as if we are in front of them; God is the ultimate guide.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” - Matthew 7: 1-5 (NIV)The idea of Christian judgement – judging people by their fruits (Matthew 7) – is not to call out someone for every decision we see as “wrong”, but to set an example by the way we live. Our goal should be for others to be encouraged by the choices we make, seeing the blessings they bring, and it drive them to examine their own hearts and decisions.
When we focus too much or too often on the choices of others, especially about issues that are less vital than baptism and spreading God’s Word to unbelievers, we don’t watch where we are going and, as a result, stumble over our own feet, causing others to stumble as well.
“So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.” - Romans 14:12-13 (KJV)When situations arise that cause us to question whether gentle correction is appropriate or not, it is crucial that we keep a few things in mind before we speak or take action. Correction is an action that can quickly escalate the entire situation; therefore, we first need to consider our relationship to the person. Is this someone we are close to? Is our relationship one that allows us to gently and lovingly make suggestions without causing hurt or damage to it? Most of the time, this means that anyone outside of family, friends, or fellow church members we have a close relationship with is not an appropriate person to be sharing correction with, unless they specifically ask for Christian advice from you. If the people do not fall into the above criteria, it is not our role to offer correction. It would be unwise for us to try and interfere with God’s plan that is in place.
What about those that may not presently have other Christians in their environment? This goes hand-in-hand with the next factor to consider: the weight of the issue. For instance, if a woman is involved, is the advice you want to give related to whether or not her dress is strapless or is it encouraging her to become a Christian, if she is not already one? In other words, pick your battles – and pick the one that will hold the most weight in where they will spend eternity.
Other factors to contemplate are the appropriateness of timing, place (the Bible advises us to go to each other in private, not broadcast the situation to the world – AKA social media – Matthew 18), and possible consequences. If there is any doubt to the category the scenario falls into, the best and safest course of action is to pray for God to provide guidance to both ourselves and others. We have the problem of not trusting God to do His job. Part of His plan involves putting things into place in a specific timeframe or way, to make room for other things to fall in line later; He will put the next puzzle piece in place when He decides we are ready for it. He knows the future; we don’t – that’s where faith comes into play.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” - Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV)I will be the first to admit that I am far from perfect, as I often make mistakes, but we are all in that same boat, so we have to aim to do the best we can to keep afloat. (Sorry, it just happened – not trying to be Dr. Suess)
Several years ago, I caused major damage to a close friendship, by having the wrong approach to Christian judgement, and the friendship is not really a friendship any longer; now it’s more of two or three texts on a rare occasion, consistently initiated by me. It was a complicated predicament, because half of the problem involved a behavior that I should have taken stronger action against, since it held a risk of putting others in harm’s way. That is the first half of where I failed. I regret that I didn’t do more to stop the behavior, knowing how risky it was not only to that person’s life, but the lives of others.
Looking back, I am aware that my perspective should have been that the risk of losing our friendship was not worth the risk of them losing their own life or causing someone else to lose theirs. Those are times where I should have stood my ground and held firm to what I knew was the right thing to do. Thankfully, the Lord protected everyone, and no one was harmed, and I’m somewhat confident they have completely stopped the behavior since then (that’s definitely my hope). But I also failed in the other way…I casted judgement that should not have been casted.
Though the other behavior they had was equally a sinful one (and, as a Christian, they also recognized it as one), it was not a behavior that physically put them or others in danger, and this is where I should have picked my battles. The friendship was close enough that I was allowed to show my disapproval, but the way I went about doing so was very discouraging to them. My words would have been less hurtful if I had said: “You and I both know this is wrong, but I can’t make your decisions for you. I will pray and ask God to provide you the answers you need. No matter what, I still love you and God still loves you. And I’ll be here if you want to talk more about it or just want me to pray with you.”
However, that is not the way I approached them; even though my words were not harsh, my demeanor and attitude towards that person made them feel like less of a Christian, in spite of the fact that we all sin, and only led to them being discouraged. I regret the way I handled that particular problem, but I try to keep in mind that God used it as a teaching moment for me, and in turn, it has helped me to be more careful of how I approach any similar situation that has arisen since then.
We can’t walk the straight and narrow path if all of our time is spent critiquing the walk of others. As a Christian, our number one priority has to be our own walk with God.
“…I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to His commands. As you have heard from the beginning, His command is that you walk in love. - 2nd John 1:5-6 (NIV)In a recent interview, Candace mentioned how she has turned down significant roles (though, Full House is a classic itself), because the projects did not line up with her values; she referenced how God has rewarded her for those choices through all of the blessings in her life.
People tend to assume that not seeing a particular actor in theaters is an indication of talent level, rather than personal convictions. In the same interview, she made the point that, when the time comes, it will be God who we are standing before while being held accountable for our actions on Earth, not our peers, friends, family, or the public.
Therefore, we need to remember that God is our main and most important audience; HE is the one we are auditioning for, in order to be awarded a home in Heaven. He is the creator of this world and our lives; we should seek His direction first and last.
“Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day…” - 2nd Timothy 4:8 (NIV)With all of the immoral happenings in Hollywood today, it is encouraging to see an actor with those convictions.
It’s disappointing that today’s Hollywood has lost its class, but it’s a reflection of our culture changing for the worse. We used to be able to agree to disagree, particularly on politics. We tolerated our difference of opinion and had civil, respectful debates for those deeper discussions. Regardless of the world’s ear being at our fingertips in this day and age, thinking before speaking – considering the possible effects of our words and actions – is still key to living peaceably.
That decrease in respect is why people have become so accustomed to cursing and using God’s name in vain that it is now thought of as “the norm” (it makes me even more grateful for Candace’s choice to use “Oh Mylanta”); cable networks are now allowing words to pass through the censors that would have been muted less than ten years ago. While some will read this and view it as over-reacting to “nothing”, that perception was only developed because of this more recent – for lack of a better word – slack, that many have permitted to happen. Had parents, teachers, employers, and other peers, continued to discourage certain kinds of language and encourage respect, the F word, for instance, would not be “the norm”, as it appears to currently be.
“Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring can yield both salt water and fresh.” - James 3:10-12 (NKJV)Additionally, people would challenge themselves to expand their vocabulary and find other terms to use. But instead, racial slang and derogatory descriptions for both women and men have not just become a part of virtually every type of media, but unfortunately, our homes. Because of this, respect for authority has disappeared and entitlement has erupted. This has led to the abuse and a misconception of the freedom of speech, which does not disregard consequences or responsibility for what we say, nor was it created with the purpose to. Our words and our actions will always have ramifications and long-lasting effects; that is simply nature and a domino effect. It is inevitable that we will continue to be responsible for them.
"For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." - Luke 6:45 (NIV)
Our current culture has lost its uniqueness. When our negative behaviors and words become one repeat after another, a trend, if you will, where is our individuality? Where is the mystery and imagination of discovering who a person is? God gave us free will; His vision was not for the world to be a collection of robots. He gave us the ability to think and make decisions for ourselves. Despite our society telling us to embrace individuality, it constantly pushes us to be those robots, to actually lose the individuality. It wants us to look the same, act the same, and have the same beliefs.
This is why I applaud the new policy that CVS Pharmacy has announced, requiring the cosmetic brands it sells to only use unaltered photos with their products and advertisements; those who choose not to follow suit will have a label on their products indicating the photos have been digitally altered. It is steps like these that are essential to fighting against eating disorders, bullying, and the epidemic of our youth being taught fake self-esteem, rather than true love and appreciation for their character.
Yes, times are changing – that’s nothing new – but we have to question which changes are truly for the better and which are not. We have to ponder which ones will enrich our lives with a new knowledge or necessary beckoning for truth and which are only to make ourselves feel better when we knowingly break the rules or sin. The Ten Commandments are not held with high regard when we attempt to change the standards or morals required to live up to them. God’s laws are set in stone, not sand. As the Bible tells of, the wise man built his house upon the rock; our foundation has to be firm, meaning our convictions must also be firm.
“He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great.” - Luke 6: 48-49 (NKJV)For those of you who have taken the time to read this blog…first of all, thank you. Second, I know that not everyone will agree with what I have said, especially on the topic of current culture.
But please never forget this: Kindness is the beginning of gratitude. There are times in our life where kindness may be the last thing we want to show, but if we exhibit it during those difficult times, we will begin to develop that gratitude, and that will help us to have a calmer demeanor and more positive outlook on those trying days – to helps us find the silver lining when we need it.
A few years ago, instead of complaining loudly for several minutes when I ran into furniture or spilled something, I started immediately saying out loud “Thank you, Lord, for not letting me get hurt any worse than I did” or “Thank you, Lord, for not letting that be any worse than it was”. Ever since I started the habit, I have noticed that, in more cases than not, the pain reduces quicker, and my verbal complaints – a large portion of the time – have switched to deep sighs, keeping me calmer. Once I started focusing on being grateful things were not worse, my attitude improved when similar things would happen. I have continued to stick with this routine, and although I am not perfect at it, I know that my level of gratitude through trials has increased because of it, helping to improve my relationship with God.
Before I step down from my soapbox, I would like to share some special lyrics (the inspiration behind the title of this blog) and the compelling video that goes along with them, that I hope will stick with you.
One of the most poignant and visual images of the weight words can hold is demonstrated through Carrie Underwood’s Grammy-nominated song “Little Toy Guns”. The story is told through the eyes of a little girl, whose hiding in the closet, crying and praying, unable to escape her parents’ fighting. What the little girl speaks through her tears is a powerful reminder of the damage that is possible from words alone…
I wish words were like little toy gunsWhile it may feel like a shot in the dark, I try to hold onto hope that, out of this darkness, a bright light will emerge again, so that when the next trigger is pulled, it will only be that of kindness.
No sting, no hurtin’ no one
Just a bang bang rollin’ off your tongue
Yeah, no smoke, no bullets
No kick from the trigger when you pull it
No pain, no damage done
Written by: https://twitter.com/CaliaButterfly
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