I believe in music in The transition

This is rare. A quiet home. No hubby, no kid, and I have nothing to do. (Well, I have a lot of cleaning to do, but it can wait) I have a cup of coffee and a view of snow falling outside. I'm tired of winter, but today, I don't mind. I just spoke to my X-husband's mother on the phone. A voice that I haven't heard in years. I heard of her Mother's passing and dug up her number to extend my sympathy and to make sure she is doing ok. She will always have a special place in my heart. She cried when I said "Hello, this is Karen." A reaction that I half expected, and one of the reasons, I knew it might be a hard call to make. I cried a little bit too. I think it's been about four years since we last talked. She says she isn't doing very well, but tries to keep a positive attitude. Eric, (my X) is no help. Still living in FL and rarely comes around. It saddens me that he really turned out to be such a scumbag and tricking everyone into thinking he was such a good family man for so long. And now that his family needs him the most, he's not there. Her voice also brought me back in time a little bit. To the person I was. To that life I had. It's weird how a voice, much like a song, can do that.
I updated her on my life now, as it is, and how much it's changed. I told her about the joy that my son has brought to me, and she cried again. She said how deeply she's always wanted that for me. For me to be happy. Even if it wasn't with her son, and that she loved me like a daughter and always will. It's funny how we have ONE life, and yet, inside our one life, we live many. I am the same person I was back then, and yet I'm different in a lot of ways too. I call it "my old life".
Sometimes, I get a little overwhelmed with all of the different things I have to do in this life. I have so many titles and responsibilities now. Especially being a MOM AND working in a group home and taking care of 5 adult males with different levels of disabilities. And on top of the trying to take my photography to the next level. And being the best wife that I can be. I'm constantly doing so much at once!! I was never THIS busy in "my old life". And maybe that's why, back then, I had the time to write. While Open Diary is still alive, I SHOULD download my "old life" diary. But I even bring myself to log into it. There's probably a lot of good in there, but sometimes I think it's better to let go. Not look back, but only forward. And I feel like, I wasn't even really living yet. My life didn't REALLY start until Victor. Until the birth of my SON, and until I started doing things that I feel passionate about, instead of just dreaming. But still, perhaps I should download it? My life isn't perfect though, of course. I have things I need to work on. Being more confident in myself, making healthier choices, and using my free time more wisely, just being a few things.
I'm proud of the little boy that my BABY is becoming. His vocabulary amazes me, and his spirit is Joyful.
I spoke to my oldest sister recently, and she downright insulted me. It all started with her facebook status about her being "disgusted" about the gay weddings that took place at the grammys. I disagreed with her and told her I felt it was a beautiful thing. Thus began a debate, that ended in her calling me ignorant. And she feels like I'm not raising Anthony properly because I don't not raise him by every word of the bible. I tried to say to her that I respect that she is deeply religious and that if that's what works for her, that's just fine. But for me, I love everyone equally. Gay, straight, black, white, fat, skinny..whatever. I LOVE people for who they are, even if what they do in their own personal lives, the bible lists as a sin. It's funny, she then sent me the dictionary definition of "Moral fiber". And I read it, I agreed with it FULLY, and then I also noticed that it does not mention anything about God. and then she said I'm uneducated and ignorant. The funny thing about that is I AM educated about it. But because I don't AGREE with all of it, or question it and don't believe what she does, that makes me ignorant? I don't know, I've never really been SURE if I believe in God. And I've always felt like if there IS a God, that he would UNDERSTAND why I would be a skeptic. Belief is a STRONG word. And I have an open mind to so many things. I don't believe that this world is black and white. I don't believe that most people who are truly Gay have a choice. And I don't believe in treating people differently because of who they are. I BELIEVE in love. I believe that one can know right from wrong, and live a happy life, and be a GOOD person, without following the bible. Do I look down on those who do? NO, not at all. But I'm saddened that my own sister looks down on me and thinks I'm corrupted. (her words) We ended our conversation by her saying she would pray for me and me telling her no thanks. I don't know where to go with our sisterly relationship from here. I'm sorry to rant about that, but it's whats on my mind. I've been listening to music non-stop these days. I love spotify. My playlists are with me when I'm cleaning, when I'm working, when Anthony and I are playing (and we DANCE!!) even when I'm in the shower. And then I heard on the radio, someone saying "Some people believe in God, I believe in music. Some people pray, I turn on my music." and I thought hmmmm.... that's how I feel!! That's what I believe. And with that said, I'm going to crank up some tunes and clean before Vic and Anthony come home :)