Today was my second (and thankfully last) day of ACLS class. It was pretty intense and I’m just really glad it’s over. We had to take turns being a “team leader” while our team had to follow our instructions during a mock code. We each had to interpret the heart rhythms on the monitor, and essentially take initiative and tell the others what to do (cpr…push epi....charge to deliver a shock).
I’ve always been the “shy one” so it was pretty intimidating having to take charge. I don’t really consider myself shy, I just don’t have a voice that carriers in a room so often times people just assume I’m shy.
I was always jealous of others who just protrude confidence in how they speak, carry themselves, etc. I just wish I could change that aspect of myself sometimes. I think a lot, but I don’t speak as much as others I guess. But I’m learning to accept myself.
After class we all went out to Brickhouse for food and drinks. I had a corona and some pretzels. I didn’t really want to go because I’m the type to just want to go home, but I was starting to get FOMO so I kinda dragged my feet and went. It wasnt so bad and I actually had a decent time. I feel like I always get negative thoughts in my head and feel like people are constantly judging me, or just plain don’t like me. I really need to stop doing that.
Anyways, I came home, showered and crashed for a couple of hours. My body isn’t used to being awake during the daytime, and it was probably thinking why the hell are you up? Getting back to nights is gonna be a challenge.
But luckily I’m off this weekend! My parents, J, and I are going out to dinner tomorrow. On Saturday we’re going to look for a couch with his parents. They’re nice enough to offer paying for it as a gift, but I feel iffy about it. I want to choose what we want and I hope they aren’t going to try and convince us to buy what they like. Whatever.
I got hit with nostalgia and started stalking some classmates from highschool (0/10 would NOT recommend). It made me realize what I’m doing still living in my hometown? They’re leading such adventurous bold lives and here I am, scared of moving too far away from all that I’ve known. J is adamant on moving far far away, but I just can’t do it. I’d feel too guilty for leaving my parents. I’d get FOMO with all the little things I’d be missing back hone, but at the same time I feel like I’m missing out not being bold while I’m young.
I guess either way the grass is greener on the other side.
-A
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