Living with your partner in Problems and Progress

Sometimes living with the person you love is really hard. I’m 17. My life has been pretty bumpy but that will all eventually be explained. Since I was 14 I’ve lived with a few boyfriends of mine. The first one I was with for 2 and a half years. When we ended I remember how difficult it was to be on my own again. To not have anyone there with you anymore. But, eventually, with time I moved on and got over the feeling of being alone. Fast forward about a year and I moved in with another boyfriend. Our relationship was pretty good til I fucked that one up. Fast forward to now. I’m living at my house with a boyfriend of mine who just moved in recently. I’m nervous. We just officially got together on christmas. It’s hard for me to accept the fact a whole other person is going to be with me at all times. As I’ve already gotten used to being alone again. I’ve been dealing with anger problems since I can remember and living with someone isn’t exactly helping that fact. Over the years I’ve been learning to control these problems but sometimes I get so overwhelmed I can’t control what happens. I always feel bad in the end. Just yesterday I was told by my boyfriend that he is going to North Dakota for a few days. Let’s just say…I got very salty. Like overload of salt, might as well of crumbled into a pile of it. We’ll of course later, I still feel mad about it but I also feel unbelievably bad for making such a big deal over a few days. It’s like a constant battle between my heart and my head. Do I apologize for hurting his feelings and causing a scene? Or are my feelings justified? Hm.. who knows. Moving on, I’m out of cigarettes. I smoke Edgefield red 100s. Can’t really stand any other cigs but I can and will smoke anything as long as it isn’t menthol. Boyfriend goes to get cigs, comes back with Edgefield menthols. I didn’t mean to get mad truly. I don’t know why I reacted the way I did. I know I hurt his feelings. I know I probably appeared to be an ungrateful piece of garbage. So I go to the gas station and get the right cigs. Whole car ride back I could only think about how I’m going to apologize to him for acting like such a fool. Get in the room, give him a kiss, say sorry speedy fast, and basically run out of the room. God, talk about embarrassing. I was relieved though, as now it is out of the way.. Things just keep happening. My mom was told she might get fired so that’s putting a little stress on me too. We’re running super low on food. I’m zoning out more and more often throughout the day just thinking about pointless thoughts and scenarios that will most likely never happen. I’m tired. Matter of fact I feel exhausted as of right now but that’ll probably change within the next few minutes. Honestly at this point I just hope I don’t have a mental breakdown by the end of this month. I’m gonna try and lay down now. Maybe tomorrow will be a little more joyful.