<<<the beginning’s thataway!
Friday, December 29:
This was the day we went to the ranch…or the ESTANCIA! Of course, no trip to Argentina would be complete without seeing how the Gauchos live and breathe. I have to be honest, I was a little bit nervous about this part for one reason: horseback riding. I don’t even really know why…I’ve ridden horses before, but it had been a long time. I even brought cowboy boots on this trip for the very reason that we were going to be riding horses, so I’m not sure why the trepidation, but it was there.
Regardless, we were going to do this. At breakfast, Elaine read to me about the ranch from our trip itinerary. It was going to be a super hot day and there were two horse rides planned - one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Anyone who opted out of the ride(s) were welcome to hang out at the pool. So we both packed our swimsuits, sunscreen and sandals and the driver picked us up at 9:15 on the dot!
The drive to the estancia was about an hour and 15 minutes and guys, when I tell you that it was hot in that car, I mean it was HOT!! I didn’t want to be the one who complained - especially since the sweltering sun was actually beating down on Elaine and not me, but I felt like I might pass out in that car. I could hardly breathe at a few points on that drive. I tried to tell myself to relax, but as we drove further and further into the countryside, my anxiety rose and rose. As we got closer to the ranch, we were off on dirt roads that kicked up the dust, so we had to roll the windows up!
Just as I was about to have a panic attack and then faint, we arrived! Relief!
Before we got out of the car, I asked the driver if we could pleeeeaasse have some air conditioning on the way back home, which I quickly realized was a ridiculous and probably snotty-sounding request because this very car was our ride back home. I literally had to just put my suck-it-up hat on and deal. It would be fine, I told myself.
And I really was. The ranch was absolutely beautiful! Our hosts were lovely, and the other guests were super interesting - a family from Slovenia (including the most insanely handsome Slovenian guy who Elaine and I were drooling over the whole time), a British couple (who were HILARIOUS), and two college dudes from Minnesota. We all said hello, had some water, put on our helmets, and we were off to ride our horses!
Everyone thought that I should be the expert because I was wearing REAL cowgirl boots (hence, no need for chaps like the rest of the group), but in actuality I asked for the gentlest horse in the group. Ask and ye shall receive! For I was not only given the gentlest horse, I was also given the s-l-o-o-o-o-w-e-s-t horse of the group…which was just fine with me!
See my experience here (note that the “Tina” I reference in the video is one of the Slovenians).
Even if I wanted to go fast - which I did not - my horse would NOT DO IT…at least not with me on it’s back. Thank you, sweet Lela…or Lelo…I think I got his/her name wrong the whole time. Regardless, we walked and trotted for a couple of hours until it was time to rest and have lunch and let the poor sweaty horses cool down.
When we got back to the stables and the ranch house, we realized that there was zero electricity in the whole area due to the extreme heat. Luckily, there were a few blocks of ice that hadn’t melted and that meant cold, cold beer. The most refreshing beer in the freaking WORLD! And there was also wine…and EMPANADAS!! Oh the delicious, juicy, meaty little pie thingies. We ALL got squirted with the empanada juice, every one of us had stains on our jeans! Then lunch, which consisted of amazing salads and a couple of grills full of MEAT. Are you sensing a theme? So much meat, people. And cake! Just the most delicious food.
After we gorged ourselves on chow, I guess it was time for siesta, because we hung out for a really, really long time just talking amongst ourselves about everything under the sun. Of course, the Slovenians and the folks from the US talked The Donald and Melania (as she’s Slovenian, of course!) and we all gave the Brits a ribbing about Brexit and we laughed and shook our collective heads a lot.
We watched the kids play soccer with the dogs. I think there were 5 dogs on this ranch…3 that were ranch herders, another kind of labrador, and a horny Golden Retriever who kept trying to hump everyone - it was funny until it wasn’t.
Elaine and I kept our eyes on the hot Slovenian, who happened to be married to my new horseback riding friend Tina. The thing about that is that it made me feel kind of good. Tina was a perfectly lovely woman who was also perfectly average in looks. I liked Tina a lot.
In fact, when the group finally went back out to ride horses, Tina and I stayed back and hung out at the pool. Tina had no issue with having a little extra layer on her bod, and you know what? Neither did I. On that day, with really nobody else around, I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a cool swimming pool more. I’d say it was around 100 degrees out and the pool felt incredible and Tina and I chatted and laughed and discussed our holidays. It truly felt like we were just hanging out in a friend’s backyard.
Soon enough, the riders came back and I quickly hopped into my robe and back to the stablehouse to change by candlelight (no electricity, remember?). The riders were exhilerated and I heard that the hot Slovenian had my gentle horse for the afternoon ride and it was like a total change of personality! I heard that my gentle, loving horse turned into a beast that Hot Slov (is that cool or is that offensive?) could hardly handle! Elaine said he was cursing or something in Slovene and barely hanging on to that sweet horse of mine. Wonder what he’d said to that horse??
More beer, more cake and then it was time to say goodbye to our fellow ranchers. Elaine and I were so wiped out and filthy dirty. In fact, we smelled like a barn! We didn’t even really care that we were getting into a hot car because we just needed the windows DOWN. We vowed to launder our filthy clothes as soon as we got back to the hotel. Well, send our dirties OUT to be laundered!
Our driver pointed out random things as we drove back through the countryside. He told us he was taking a shortcut and showed us the guinea pigs scrambling through the fields and the giant dragonflies (I guess?) floating through the air, signaling that it was going to rain soon. It was all very interesting in a dreamlike way. It didn’t feel like long before we were back in the city and back in the hotel to the best showers we’d ever had in our lives!
And then it was evening and Elaine and I were sooooooo not wanting to have a big to-do for dinner, so as I was drying my squeaky clean hair after my delicious shower, Elaine got some dinner advice from the front desk guys. They told us to walk down the block to the Italian place where we could have pasta just like grandma makes.
The dude wasn’t kidding because we went to this place, sat down, ordered (in broken Spanish - no English spoken here at all) a bottle of Champagne and some pasta and voila! …A grandmotherly looking woman sat down at a pasta maker and started rolling out the noodles!!! Talk about the most fresh pasta I’d ever had! It was insane. I can still feel that texture in my mouth - kind of chewy with the perfect thickness. I pretty much devoured mine and washed it down with the bubbles. Heaven.
And lastly, to cap the night, we popped into the Brazilian bar, because…of course we did! I mean, it was literally on the same block and on our way home. The place was jumping and soon we were too - how could we not with the music and the karaoke singing and the dancing and the cute DJ! It was infectious! Elaine and I even made a friend who Facebooked us both and sent us videos and everything! Even I took a video…see? This was early on!
And just when it started to get out of control…and I do mean it was starting to get a little out of control…Elaine and I decided to call it a night because we needed to quit while we were ahead. The next day would be a ferry ride to Uruguay and we did NOT need to get seasick from a rotten hangover. So, even though our new friend protested, we waved ADIOS and got the hell out of there and back to our hotel just a block away and slept like the dead!
to be continued…
xox,
GS
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