umm i write a diary anyway so i’m not really sure why i have created this i suppose i like the feeling of typing and having my whirring spinning thoughts able to come ut almost at the same speed they are produced, something i haven’t quite mastered, or can’t master on paper… i can’t write fast enough without just creating indecipherable lines like a heartbeat on a hospital monitor.
i miss writing a lot so maybe i’ll just write with some story prompts. i feel like i have mastered or gotten better at clearly transmitting how i feel into my writing since i first tried it when i was younger. then i was all confused and teenaged but now i feel like my view of the world has solidified in terms of fundamentals. although it is still apt to change, the way that i take in and categorise and interpret stimulus is quite consistent. i can understand myself better, i have a blueprint for my responses. before i was all over the place head exploding at every little tiny movement tiny little emotional variation, tendril i felt from another person my soul would engulf it and turn it over and over and over examining analysing obsessing and when this is happening with every little thing of interest you run out of ability to process it all. you just let yourself bathe in this sea of interpretations that is being filed away in your brain and you’re almost not aware of your own consciousness working away like it is. a stranger in my own mind/spectator in my own mind. like watching a tennis match between my fragile teenage self and the outside world. now i think i can return the serves with some reliability, some sense of a strategy. i am actually playing the game now.
hahahahaha awow all i want to talk about is myself so i feel uninterested in story prommmmpppptttttts lol
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