Up all night in Life

So I’ve never done this. I just found out about this website a little bit ago and it seemed interesting. I guess i will tell some stuff about myself. I’m 18 years old, I’m a ladyyy, I’m from Oklahoma, i love music, the sky, food, and other things. I have really bad anxiety. Sometimes its better than other times. I’ve had it since i was a little kid. Wouldn’t really talk to other kids in school. Have a hard time being myself out of fear of being “weird”. I have two real friends right now. I’ll just use initials. There’s D and N. They’re both pretty cool. D is super kind, smart, funny, and cool. N is reallyyyy weird, but i love it. N and I recently became best friends. Which is weird. Because a year ago I lost my best friend of six years. Not to death or something. She’s still alive she’s just a different person now. I still keep in touch with her mom. Which is kind of weird, but her mom really enjoys me, has always said she sees me as another daughter. It just sucks because V(I’ll call her that) is her daughter and sometimes she can’t help but bring her up. Kind of breaks my heart everytime though lol. I’m a lot better than i was a year ago. I was really really lost. I still am, but not as bad. Kinda felt like i spent 2017 getting over her. And it’s not even over cause I’m still here upset about it. It just sucks when you put so much trust and effort into someone and they still treat you badly. I have a boyfriend. He says he wants to die and he’s been cutting himself and tried to take a bunch of pills the other night. I’m so lost on what to do. I feel like theres someone I’m supposed to tell or something. I tried to get him to talk to the suicide hotline people, but he wont. I care about him a lot. I don’t want to lose him, but idk the words to say or the things to do. I just want him to get help from someone who knows how to help him. Like a professional. Idk i guess i will end it here.