I'd like to imagine that I am in the middle of my life. To me, that means half my life is behind me. I am hoping the hardest half but one can never be sure. That means there would still be half a life in front of me. But, again, one can never be sure of that either. But, today, I will continue to believe, no matter how simple that I am in the middle.
I don't like to think of regret; of missed opportunity. Because really what good does that do? It just makes you wonder, wish, and mourn for what could have been had you chosen a different route. I suppose if those other choices had been pursued I might actually be in a worse place then I ended up. And considering I am pretty happy with where I ended up (even though getting here was hell in a hand-basket at times), I should never entertain other thoughts.
I have a young friend who thinks his life sucks. That's his reality at the moment. That EVERYTHING is wrong. Even though when you look at what is going on, he's actually a lot luckier then a lot of people his age. And a lot luckier then I was at his age. I can clearly see what he can't acknowledge. Many of his actions (or lack there of), is what is holding him back. His expectation for a life that pleases him consists of waiting for things to happen TO him instead of making things happen FOR himself. But, he's also in a place where hearing that he is the master of his own destiny falls on deaf ears.
I admit back in that time of my life, I too, would have avoided thinking I was my own worst enemy. Even though NOW I can see that I was. Then, no way. I shot myself in the foot a number of times. I was always too scared to take the chance and make the moves. So I let things happen around me. Then I was merely forced to live with what difficulties that created. And what a mess that was at times! When I think of that time of my life now it's a wonder I lived through it. I sincerely mean that too since there were many a suicidal thought back then. Horrible way to cope, I know. Even then I knew. But it didn't make a difference. I'm actually ashamed now to admit how awful I was then. If you knew me then and then magically were able to talk to the me of today, you would swear it wasn't the same person.
My young friend though isn't in the same sinking boat that I occupied. He has a much stronger support system then I did. His family of origin isn't much help. Maybe one or two people there that he can count on, but he has a great network of "like" family people who stand behind him. He isn't alone in the sense I was at that age. I only had myself to count on and a few friends who weren't much better off then I was. He doesn't have to worry about paying his rent or when he can buy groceries next. I wasn't prepared to be thrust into so much responsibility without any safety net. He has plenty to fall back on if he gets in dire straights.
For instance, he wrecked his car over this past weekend. No injuries but the car is headed to the junk pile. Just like that, he has a car loaned to him until he can get a new one. When my car failed way back when, I walked. Many miles. Or bummed rides. That was my only alternative.
I wish there were a way I could open his eyes to the fact he has so much yet he yearns for that "so little" that he doesn't have right now. I read a quote once that really changed the way I think. It goes like this "Think of what you DO have; not of what you do NOT have." For some reason, that very simple sentence changed how I think about my life.
If I can have one regret, it is that I didn't find that quote sooner.
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