My self destruction is showing hard. Yay seasonal depression.
Yesterday I woke up next to Austin. Which was dope. He’s super duper sexy and a great cuddler and kisser.
Last night after work and training I went to one of my FB’s apartments and we fucked for like…hours it felt like lol
It’s sad, like yesterday was a bad day for my depression… But its okay. I’m movin on.
I’m worried that Matt thinks I wanna get back together. Honestly I don’t think it’s the right thing to do. I’m all about moving forward, and not going back to exes.
So I’m pretty sure I just want that off the table. I’ll need to address that soon. It just doesn’t seem like a good idea. It’s like I’d be settling or something. But not. Because Matt IS a super great guy, I’d have a financially secure future with him, and he loves me like no one else I’ve ever known.
UGH I hate that I’m like this. Literally I have every reason to be with Matt.
But. I’m not in love with him anymore. I love him. I have love for him,,, but I’m not in love with him. I guess that’s what happens when shit gets shitty.
Alex and I have kinda been talking a little more this week. He’s been super complimentary towards me which has been ca-utee!
Love life. I’m gonna take a bath after I smoke this bowl, waitin for my phone to charge. Or maybe I’ll just read. Yeah probably that.
Toodles.
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