Nearby Catfight in Every day scata

Milk Teeth

10:09 am

I woke in a foul mood. No reason, just a bad mood. I was hoping that going to work would cure me of that, so I head out the door, get to Client #3’s house and no answer at the door. So I call her from outside.

Well, she left a message somewhere (not with me) that she was canceling today, and may not need me until after the holidays.

I drove to town for nothing. What a fucking waste of gas and time.

So my mood is worse, and I’m depressed on top of it because, money. I should have called the Alpenhorn while I was in town to see if they wanted me to do anything, but of course I didn’t think of it until I got home.

grrr

noon

It’s amazing how fast I can spiral into a depressive episode. I just feel dead inside right now. And lonely, yet I don’t want to talk to anyone, if that makes any sense.

I should put on music, but I can’t even make myself do that. It’s like I want to be miserable or something. wtf is up with that?

The depression and loneliness is making me anxious. I sit and wonder how long the depression will last, will I start thinking horrible thoughts, will anyone help me get through this. Though I don’t know how anyone can help if I’m not talking to anyone.

I should do something, but I just can’t do it. I can’t make myself do anything.

I can’t even cry.

I changed out of my scrubs and into a clean pair of PJ’s hoping that if I was warm and comfortable it would improve my mood.

It didn’t.

The only thing I feel like doing is cooking, and I don’t have anything to cook. the combo of music and cooking usually makes me feel better. I don’t want to eat the stuff, I just want to cook.

::sigh::

Last updated December 20, 2017