Sunday morning and I have a ton to do today. I’m doing laundry and packing for a work trip I’m taking this week to N. Carolina. Attending a fabric show as part of my new gig. Excited and yet stressed, thinking about how I have GOT to make a big impression with this. When you are working a new job that the company has created for you, people don’t know what to expect - but I know they are expecting big things. I spent much of last night having weird dreams about the new gig - missing flights or meetings or whatnot.
And then there’s Steve McQueen. He’s agreed to go to my CEO’s party next Saturday, and yet, I haven’t even spoken to him in days now. I saw him last Tuesday evening. We met for a quick drink and a bite…well, I had a salad. I didn’t know he wasn’t even going to EAT with me.
And then it was crickets until Friday when I broke the ice with a text that simply said, “We made it to Friday! Did you end up traveling this week?”
He answered a few hours later with a short text and said he’d call in the morning.
I texted back in the morning saying, yeah! But he never called me back.
It’s gotten weird, I think. Should I just call him up and give him an out for this party? I mean, it’s really for employees and their significant others. This guy, I mean…I couldn’t be further from significant to him.
And so. I’ve been bummed all weekend.
I’m out doing stuff, sure. I took the dog to the farmers market and we went to the downtown Christmas parade, lots of walking in the glorious sunshine and lots of good cheer. Did a little high-end shopping and the ultra fabulous boutique department store down the block. Met my sweet friends Rob and Matt out for cocktails before they celebrated Matt’s 60th birthday. Had fun, but FUCK, I so miss having someone. I miss it so very, very much.
So, I’m going to pack my bag, get a good walk in with the dog, head into the office to get some reports done, gather my stuff for the trip this week, take my dog to her sitter’s, and then attend a fundraiser for a friend of mine who had a pretty severe stroke (and no insurance!) tonight.
My flight is at like 6am or some ungodly hour. Not sure why I do this to myself. Plus, I’m trying this intermittent fasting lately where I don’t eat anything until noon, so it’s going to be a challenging morning, for sure.
Anyway. Trying my best to beat the blues, but it sure is difficult. I am busy and happy for the most part and yet so very, very lonely.
Where is my person? And how long will I have to ask this question?
And I know…I KNOW that there just might not be a person out there for me - but that upsets me to no end thinking about that possibility. I don’t want to throw in that towel!
Ok, packing and other stuff calls…
xox,
GS
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