Dear, great big world, is there some particular reason I can’t yowl all night? No I mean it is there? I spent all of last night meowing at the top of my lungs and dashing from the living room into the kitchen, into the library, into the hall, into the bedroom of my humans and out again. I believe for some reason this irritated them greatly because at one point I was chased around the house by the ailing one and quite a few times accosted with yelling in which they say my name in that way they believe to be intimidating- as if.
Eventually, the ailing one crept out of bed entirely and ended up on the sofa, giving me the perfect excuse to sprawl out in the living room using her as a perch. I am Queen of this house thank you very much and I like my thrones warm and mostly still and uncomfortable beneath me. The dog was not to be included in this per my demands but as usual, I was left ignored and had to share, she got the legs because there is no way I am giving up the area with the arms attached for petting.
In case you are ever forced to share a place of rest within arm stretching of a brown mutt might I suggest the following behavior.
One
Make your behavior as erratic as possible, you never want the mutt to trust you. Trust will only lead to annoyance further down the road. It might think you like it or such and though it might be tempting at the time to make peace with what seems to be an amiable enough creature I assure you it appears that way only because it is sleeping. If you must give it a bath, use it for its warmth, or lay astride such a creature to share a human make sure to look up occasionally squit your eyes, hiss, and swat with your paw.
Now there is no need to extend your nails I’m sure you’ve done this once or twice and the mutt is already avidly aware of them. Do not extend the extra effort it will not be needed to frighten them into submission. Just bat at them like they are the foul loathsome demon you have remembered they are and I assure you they will freak out properly.
Two
Demand all of the attention. The is mutt is a dog after all, and the human beneath you a bed. All attention is your feline right and you may be tired but that is no excuse to let them forget that right. You can do this my meowing the moment you are not being stroked, pet, and adored, or occasionally sinking your claws into your human’s flesh. Now they may be a belligerent child about this so try and be gentle, lest they throw a childish fit and dump you onto the floor, and you have to extend the additional effort to punish them for doing so.
That’s pretty much it like most feline systems it’s a rather easy two-step process, it shouldn’t be necessary being a cat and all they should already know who is the boss, but remember like humans dogs are slow to train. Thankfully they are never in charge of anything important like food, toys, or treats.
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