Just thinking in Mental Health, 2017

So I’m thinking about seeing a brand new therapist and starting over. I was gonna wait until this week to contact the new place that my old therapist is moving to/moved to to see if she started there yet, but I couldn’t wait and left a message with them middle of last week. I kept the message general stating only my name and that I was a former patient of M J at ____ and that I was just wondering if she had started yet there and if she was still open to accepting former patients. I left my contact info. I get that they were probably closed Friday, but they had all day Thursday and all day today (Monday) to call me back. And I get that I can always call again. And that I’m probably more annoyed about this than I should be. And that I’m confabulating all of these ideas in my head of why she wouldn’t want to take me back on as a patient and that’s why they are ignoring me. And the spiral in my head of these thoughts has been something gruesome. Like do I even want to travel all that way to continue seeing her even though it’s in the same city that I play football and the travel isn’t really that big of a deal anyway?

It just grinds my gears because I felt like I could open up to her and she knew the right things to say to turn around my way of thinking and I’m worried a new person will say some wrong things and it will end up doing more harm than good and I really, really don’t want that to happen. I have trouble opening up to anyone. Anyway. If I could just make my brain get off this train at the next stop, everything would be lovely.