Duality and ambivalence in Of time and the liver

I love to drink. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. But my drinking and my use of weed and other similar (albeit obscure) drugs has left me pretty unstable mentally. I suffer from bipolar disorder and social anxiety, which makes participation in recovery meetings, jobs, and society difficult. I know it will drive me insane and eventually kill me if I continue down this path, but these habits are hard to break and I have the nagging feeling that I will drink for the rest of my life. It would be a miserable existence but somehow it still tempts me. My parents spoil me and support me to the point of being enablers, even when I steal from them to get my fix. I can’t imagine any other life. Even if I get a job I know all the money will go to my bad habits. But someday I hope to stop relying on them and support myself so that no one can blame them for my self destruction. I’m at a loss for words at this point. Feel free to give me advice or kind words, I need all I can get.