I’ve gotten some interesting and important messages via PB recently that I’ve used as fuel to do a lot of thinking overnight and today. Perhaps, at 50, I can finally understand a little better. I’m not a slow learner with regards to love, I’m just deeply ROMANTIC…to the point of…detriment, I guess?
The bottom line is, and I know this, is we teach people how to treat us. I know, boundaries are so, so important. I know all of this and yet I still allow someone like the Tree to give me pause simply because he reaches out to me.
The dude had disappeared on me THREE times. And the crazy thing is that each time he reappeared, I was interested…to the point of being THRILLED. Each time, I engaged. And each time he disappeared again.
I wasted a lot of mental energy on that dude - for nothing.
I’ve romanticized and wasted a ton of time and energy on many, many similar scenarios - too many to count.
I’m 50 now. Best Bud says I have a good 50 more years to live (which made me laugh, but maybe there’s something to that). I have a long way to go, I guess. A lot to learn and a ton more living to do. Eh, what do I know?
Well, what I DO know about being 50 and over is that there’s really no use for me to be on those dating apps. Nobody will be “searching” for someone who is 50…even if I don’t look 50 (nor do I act 50), it doesn’t matter…I no longer fall into the “good” search criteria. I haven’t for a while now, but at 50, the apps are over for me.
This morning before work I deleted the apps from my phone.
I’m entering a new territory without a crutch. I haven’t been without online dating or apps in how long? Hm…16 or 17 years? I started with online dating sites after LDL and I broke up back in 2000ish. My two engagements started with online introductions. This is going to be interesting…
But I know it’s not impossible. After all, look how I met Steve McQueen - at a restaurant. It can be done!
Speaking of SMcQ, after our little episode on Sunday night, he’s been fairly quiet. A little flirty text here and there and then, pretty much crickets for the last couple of days.
But late this morning he sent me a text that was simply a link to a press release. Seems he’s been busy buying companies and doing big deals. If that isn’t a turn-on I don’t know what is.
Still, you guys. I can’t let this get to a place where I ask my JOURNAL (aka YOU) where this is going every time I write an entry. If this whatever-this-is with SMcQ is going nowhere, it’s on me to find out. It’s on me to cut my losses if necessary…but it’s ON ME to figure this out. And soon. Remember, I spent YEARS trying to figure out the Bulldog.
Time to put on my big girl pants (size 50-year-old).
xox,
GS
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