Well, the past month since I’ve written has completely flown by. So much has transpired that I am not even sure where to begin. I really need to write a really long entry catching up on everything(or at least sum things up) and then make sure I update more regularly.
I guess I will start with Joe’s ex, which I have lovingly nicknamed “Cruella” because it fits her so perfectly. Well, she has tried in many ways to get Joe back. It started by her asking him to go to marriage counseling a few weeks after she left…when the reality of being a responsible adult and paying her own bills hit her. Of course he told her no. Does she really think she has even a sliver of a chance after looking him in the eye, tell him she cares for him but doesn’t love him anymore and then later call him a piece of shit on top of all the years of abuse she has dished out?!? She is so freaking narcissistic and needs a severe reality check. She has tried a lot of manipulation, guilt trips, crying, reverse psychology, etc to get him back. Each time he has told her no…except one time he only told her “I thought about it” and left it at that which really hurt me because while he told me “She knows it’s over.”, I knew better and told him so. This time she left a book for him to read, which he didn’t read but I did and could tell she wants him to read it because she is still trying to get him to feel like he’s to blame which is utter bullshit. The funny thing about the book is that the good things that I got from it and shared with him are affirmations of why he and I are so amazing together, how perfect we are for each other and how much we truly love each other beyond that “honeymoon” phase. I try extremely hard to not let her get under my skin but she is, more than anyone else in my life ever as been. It may sound really petty but I can’t wait until she knows that he and I are together so she will finally understand that she has lost him for good and he can show how incredibly happy that he finally is. People in his life have seen the drastic change but they have been respectful enough not to ask for now. His mom doesn’t know any details at all but she knows and stopped prying after her asked her to let it go for now. He realized he is going to have to be the one to file so he’s going to do it at the beginning of January so that it is after Christmas…we both agreed it would be better to wait until then because of his step-son.
He and I were both baffled on how Cruella can still even hope that she has a chance but then I remembered the pictures and stuff that he still hasn’t put away. I thought about it last night so I told him this morning that it may be the reason because I know how it would affect a women and that it even affects me. I did not tell him how much it hurts me that the stuff is still displayed…I did not tell him how insecure it makes me feel. The reason I haven’t said anything yet is because I respect his feelings and the process that he is going though. His world was turned upside down 4 months ago when she told him she’s leaving and then again 3 months ago when she left. He has come such a long way since then and at his own pace, which I feel is really important. Bit by bit he has healed and let go of the past and started embracing the future…our future. So, while the pictures instill a bit of fear in me and hurt me because for all of those years I wanted that to be me, I know that he is mine, that I am his and we have a lifetime of love and happiness ahead of us.
So much has changed and progressed… He has started spending his entire evenings with me from the time he leaves work and calls to being on Skype with video until after he’s in bed and ready to go to sleep…so anywhere from 3 to 6 hours every day. He constantly calls me baby, tells me he loves me, how much he wishes I were there, etc. He finally let his wall down completely and fully let me in. We finally chose dates and I went and saw him this past weekend. I flew in Friday evening and didn’t fly out until Monday night. We got a hotel for 3 nights but ended up checking out Sunday evening and going to his house on the third night which was not only a huge risk but also a huge step for him…but it was so amazing and meant the world to me(and him too I think). There were a couple of hiccups during the trip but it was nothing short of amazing…so much so that I could do nothing but cry myself to sleep my first night back. Of course I bawled at the airport too and he held me the entire time, in front of the world not caring if anyone saw, and kept telling me over and over that he loves me and it’s not goodbye but see you soon.
Since this month is going to be so incredibly hard for both of us and due to not being able to spend Christmas together this year, I bought him presents for every day of December. Each day he chooses a gift to open(we do it over video chat) and on Christmas he will have at least a few left to open as well as a bag full of stocking stuff. While I was there I had him open the gifts that meant the most to me and that I knew would mean the most to him. I gave him 3 cd’s full of love songs that I carefully chose and made for him…we listened to them on the way back to the airport and we both cried over many of the songs. I put “Never Gonna Let You Down” on there by Colbie Caillat which made him cry the most and he told me “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” I told him that I know and now he has it. It was so incredibly touching. I also bought a box that says “What an adventure we will have” on it and inside I wrote that whenever he wants to know just why I love him he can come look…I folded up 150 little notes with reasons of why I love him. He was already in tears as he was reading the note on the box and could only make it through 3 of the little notes. He always says he doesn’t know why I love him so much and how I could do so much better and how he doesn’t deserve all that I do for him, etc. It breaks my heart each time because I wish, even for just a moment, that he could see himself through my eyes and see just how amazing he truly is. At least he knows how very much I love him. And I know how very much me loves me.
There’s so much more to write but it’s already after 1pm and I really need to get some stuff done today so I am going to go and try to be productive!
Loading comments...