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I feel like everything is mostly daunting.
I understand now why I’m so anxious about having a baby and James isn’t. He said “I know I can do it.” I don’t think that I can. I don’t think I can take on anything else. Things are easier for him and I have to work three times as hard.
My heart and my head feel heavy.
I just thought that by now things would be easier. But I have always put so much effort into everything I do with such little return. I feel weary. No one else has ever done it. So why do I always try so hard? Today I feel like giving up. I have been crying all day. I feel alone. Sometimes I want someone to take care of me. I want someone to care about me without me having to make them care about me.
I think most things in my life have been a big mistake.
The only people I’ve ever loved unconditionally are my children. I don’t know how to love anyone else. It always hurts too much and I don’t think I am cut out for it.
My expectations are too high. I’m always disappointed. I’m always sensitive. I’m always hurting.
It’s not worth the learning curve that I haven’t learned yet. It’s too much for me. I don’t know.

Last updated April 06, 2020