I can't focus on anything today. The last twenty-four hours have been a mind fuck. And my friends are so sick of talking to me about any of this. It's gotten to a point where I feel so helpless, I feel like I need therapy. Everything, LITERALLY EVERYTHING in the universe is trying to keep me away from this guy but I just can't do it. I honestly don't know what it will take for me to stop having feelings for this guy. I told him last night after he climbed through my friend's window to talk to me in the midsts of all the riots going on for the seahawks Super Bowl win, that he's fucking up my life. His shitty relationship is bringing me down too. I can't do anything more to remove myself from the situation, I already ended things with him. We aren't sleeping together anymore. Yet I still get treated as though I am by everyone we know and his crazy girlfriend has become the bane of my existence. It's wearing me down. I told him it's frustrating because I know I need to stay away from him if I want to avoid all this but there's something in me, something almost instinctual, that makes me want to put myself around him. I don't know what to do. My problems in this situation have become so insurmountable that no advice and no support from any of my 7 close friends or sister or mom that can help me out. I had recurring dreams ALL NIGHT last night about him. I see his fucking face when I shut my eyes. I look for him in every crowded room and every time my phone rings I want it to be him. He's in my veins. I can't shut off my feelings for him. I just can't do it. And if what's happened thus far hasn't made me hate his fucking guts, then I don't know what is going to stop this.. unless he can look at me and tell me he doesn't want me, which he can't do anymore than I can.
I'll never be able to look at him and not want him.
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