Today is a weird day.
I feel disconnected.
I need to take a break from this.
Ive been clinging here desperately.
Like I’m getting to say the things I need to say.
They just aren’t going to the right place.
Which means they’ll never make a difference.
Not that they ever would.
My head can’t turn it off once it starts.
It’s a process I keep learning.
I’m fine without it, but my heart insists.
It sees a sign and keeps asking for more.
More
More
But we know too well the game of avoidance.
Avoid what hurts.
Avoid what might cause trouble.
Avoid the thing that would be hard.
Avoidance is easier than making tough changes.
I’m just not about that any more.
I don’t want what’s easy. I won’t let habit and time and difficulty determine the rest of my life.
Because it is the rest of your life.
And knowing your own thoughts is important…
When you run from them for too long you forget which ones are yours.
It’s easy to accept someone else’s answer.
To follow the light that they shed for you.
But there’s a world out there in the darkness.
One you left with a handful of familiar faces.
I have to take a step away.
If I’m always there in this sense..how will the outcome change?
I don’t know if I would do the same on the flip side.
I wish I knew.

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