My heart just feels so heavy this morning. I found out about the Vegas attack at around 5am and have just been so weary ever since. I’m at the office, but just not into anything this morning. I worked out, but didn’t really pay attention to what I was doing. I feel lost and sad and helpless and crushed.
My weekend was just weird.
It started with Friday - just an awful, horrendous day because I was absolutely blindsided and attacked during a conference call. I don’t want to go into the details, but the bottom line is, the VP who was in charge of the call said I was a “special guest” and then surprised me with telling me that it was now MY phone call and to “take it away…”
This was supposed to be a collaborative call and I was supposed to just be sitting in and listening! What a shit show it became. I wish I’d just said, no, it’s not my phone call, it’s yours. But I tried to power through and got blasted with every bullet point I provided.
And my bullet points, mind you, were the strategies that Boss had asked me to execute.
There was NO winning this phone call. It was a disaster. Powered through the afternoon in a daze.
I went home at the end of the day and licked my wounds all weekend.
Saturday morning with the ad/marketing agency CEO was interesting. He was 15 minutes late, which was no real biggie except a little annoying, but after he arrived he spent the next HOUR telling me his story. Who he is, what he’s gone through, his bootstrap story. And it was a great story, for sure, but it was kind of weird because it was literally me, just sitting there, listening and drinking coffee while the sun moved in the sky and started beating down on me.
There wasn’t much/any room for me to discuss some potential opportunities, except for me to say that I’d love to help out where I can with future events that could potentially lead the way to other things. He was happy to hear that and told me about an event on New Year’s Eve, which would be a PERFECT opportunity except for the fact that I’ll be in Argentina with our Elaine Benes, but he did tell me about another event that I could and would find interest, so I’m hoping that’s something I can be involved in.
We’ll see.
Thursday night with my former colleague turned out to be a meeting that might be the most important because the more I ruminate on what happened Friday with the disastrous conference call, the more I know I need to make a move soon. I am finding the positions she has open to be ones that I could not only excel in but also help me to maybe find my way in a consulting situation. I’m still unsure how to get that going, but I do think that I may possibly be able to use it as a learning and a stepping stone? When I mentioned possibly doing consulting for her, she said no quite emphatically. She wants someone in the office full time, and I get that. It is looking more attractive by the day.
Okay, I gotta roll for now. I have a big development session scheduled for this afternoon and I have to get my head and my heart around it.
Until later.
OH! I forgot to write this and it’s kinda…funny (???), but over the weekend I was on a text chain that I believe Boss started. The whole executive team is on some kind of executive retreat and they are on some fishing expedition. All Sunday long I was copied on texts and photos of Boss and our CEO catching fish and them making bets and showing the fish prepared and all the chatter from the team. I know I wasn’t supposed to be on the chain, but I couldn’t chime in because that would have been weird. You guys, it just goes to show that I don’t belong here. Even if I were part of the executive team (and yes, I am part of the leadership council), but if I were on the team, I just wouldn’t fit it. I want an executive team that goes to Paris Fashion Week, goddammit!
xox,
GS
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