October 2nd; 7:45pm in Diary

I feel dizzy. I do the same thing every day, wake up, school, home, work, sleep, repeat. My head hurts. I think and overthink, I just can’t help it. I have really good days and really bad days when it comes to my “relationship”. I can’t remember how happy I used to be around him, I feel so much towards him that sometimes I mistake it for emptiness. Sometimes I think about it so much, I can forget what he did. But then I remember. My body remembers even tho my brain tries to trick it into forgetting. I dreamed about him with her last night and then i dreamed of his kiss but that I now share with her. It felt so real. I don’t think I want him, or to feel like this anymore, but I don’t want to see him move on and fuck or love other girls. I tired of loving him and being afraid to be broken again. I’m fixing a shattered vase with chewing gum. God this fucking headache. I’m afraid i’ll never find anyone else, I’m afraid he will find someone else faster than me.