The break up in Stories of my life... literally

So we were broken up. I felt like in the time we were together I had separated myself from everyone else so I felt lost and didn’t know what exactly to do or how to even begin to be alone. I obviously went through the stages of grief. First was denial, I do admit that it was me who brought up the idea of breaking up in the first place but a part of me thought he would say “No, i love you and I don’t want us to break up” but he didn’t and I was kind of in shock about what was going on. Also before we broke up I asked him if it was because he wanted to be single and if there was anyone else or because he just felt it was over between us. He denied that he wanted to be single and that there wasn’t anyone else. Then came anger I was so mad at him because I looked at texts before the break up and how he told me he loved me and was so happy with me and all this stuff. Then bargaining, It had been a few days and I would constantly somehow try to reconcile with him and make up. I tried over and over and for so long just to be rejected every time. And like I said we had been together for so long that I didn’t know how to function without him or talking to him so I texted him and said “how about we talk just as friends, not about getting back together or anything like that just us talking as friends” and he agreed. For a few days we did just that, acting like nothing happened but we weren’t acting like a couple either and I had thought (and hoped) that he would i guess come to his senses and wanna get back together. But he sounded totally uninterested and I could tell he was bored and I was becoming so desperate sending selfies and saying i was ugly just so he would compliment me and make me feel special and I hated myself for it. So I said forget it we don’t have to do this anymore I just have to accept that we’re over and that you just don’t wanna be with me. He nicely agreed and in a way tried to act as if he was heart broken but at that point I just knew he was relieved to get rid of me. The depression stage hit me really hard. I cried every night waiting for a text that never came. I went to my friend who partly was going through boy troubles too and I tried to take my mind off of him because I knew he didn’t want me anymore. We had a gym class together (that would turn into health) so i had to see him everyday. One day my best friend (not cece anymore) (other best friend diane) slept over my house and brought a bottle of something and we got drunk. I wanted to get drunk to have an excuse to call and text and talk to Josh. So when I was drunk enough, I face timed him and asked him why he broke up with me and why he didn’t love me or want me and all these questions that were painful for me to ask but also painful enough for him to answer. He began to cry and said that I shouldn’t be like this and that he was sorry and he just didn’t feel happy anymore and he doesn’t know why but he just didn’t wanna be in the relationship anymore. I told him that I was gonna drive drunk (I didn’t even know how to drive yet and I wasn’t actually gonna do it I just wanted to scare him…I know I’m terrible). He called me and told me to stop and to stay in bed and that he was sorry and he said “This is all my fault if I hadn’t hurt you you wouldn’t be like this right now. i cant believe I made you do this I’m so sorry” and eventually i hung up and fell asleep. The next morning I apologized for texting and calling him and that “I was just so drunk and I missed him so much” and we agreed to stop talking again. One day at dunkin’ donuts with Diane I looked on his twitter page and saw that he had retweeted a girls tweet with the heart eyes emoji with a few other tweets that i can’t remember anymore (that insinuated that he was interested in someone else) and i texted him saying that how could he do that other people saw it and were asking me all these questions about it and that he disrespected me and made me look stupid (honestly i just said that to make him feel bad about what he did) and and he replied with something along the lines of “it was just a retweet it didn’t mean anything it doesn’t even matter i’m sorry but what do you want me to do it’s not even a big deal.” I replied saying that we had just broken up and demanded that he tell me who it was about and that I had the right to know who the tweets were about. He said it was about a girl at his job that “had no idea he even existed” and it didn’t mean anything and after all we weren’t even together anymore and he told me to move on....move on. After that I started to realize what a complete jerk he had been to me and the way he was treating me after ending a 2.5 YEAR relationship and i felt that if he had ever really cared about me he wouldnt have been treating me with such little respect and i decided that i’ve had enough.