It’s my second day sober. I realized the second worst part of my habit happens during the morning. My brain is naturally slowest and weakest in the mornings (I’m a night owl), and the todo-list-anxiety hump that I face feels insurmountable. Instead of picking one task, focusing on it, and trying to get it done, I procrastinate using podcasts and drugs (sounds familiar). When I force myself not have access to marijuana, I reach for other drugs. Anything I can get my hands on, I want.
Obviously getting yourself intoxicated the moment you wake up in order to distract yourself from the anxiety you feel about your to do list is a TERRIBLE way to start the day and be a productive person. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to get trapped every morning, struggling to figure out how to start my day and failing.
I think the fix is to get myself out of the house before 11, and to have a plan for one productive thing that I’m going to do.
What’s especially hard today is this feeling of grogginess that’s hanging over me. I know my natural state is to have much more energy than this. I slept well last night and I still feel heavy and exhausted. Keeping myself focused on any task is hard. I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep, but it’s 2:50pm and I have things I need to do!
That’s the weed detox happening. It really feels like my life-force is drained, but I know it’s temporary. I have to focus on being gentle with myself while I get through this first week without weed.
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