Siblings 5/25/2002
I love my sister Becca...really, I do. Its just that being around her always makes me feel bad. She doesn't mean to make me feel bad, she just says stupid things.
Such as:
"Hey Artist what do you weigh?" (I tell her). "Really? Oh wow, I thought you were so much heavier than that!"
"Oh my god, I haven't been single in four years. It feels so weird!" (knowing full well that I have been single for the past four years, and well, basically my entire life).
She's been dating this guy named Kyle for almost two years. They've been playing with the idea with marriage, but since he was more eager to get married than she was, they broke up. Now, I never really liked Kyle to begin with, so this doesn't particularly bother me. What bothers me is that Becca has been making that comment about being single for the past week. Thanks for the tact, Becca, I 'preciate it, since you know I have been single for the past four years. Its really not that big of a deal with being single, you can knock it off now.
Apparently, she though the single life was too hard for her because a week after the break-up with Kyle, she's now dating a guy named John Israel. Of course, his fther runs some big company, his parents love Becca, John is the perfect gentleman, etc etc. I will totally admit, I am envious of Becca, no doubt about it. She can find bunches of boys who are willing to date her, and I can't find one. My parents are thrilled, Becca's dating a Jewish boy. (not that they had issues with her other boyfriends, but like most parents, they're happy when their kid dates another of the same religion).
To top everything off, John is also starting to date a Jewish girl. My mother is so happy. The only reason she's being nice to me today is not because our fight ended, but because its the leftover glow she has from Becca and John. The boys in my high school would barely speak to me, and yet John finds someone to date.
I was told frosh boys are so girl-crazy, and that every frosh girl has tons of guys running after her since she's "fresh meat." Yeah, well, I sure as hell was an exception to that rule...Aaron had no interest in me. Adam was a nice guy, but he never seemed interested. He was in my damn room and I was hitting on him, and nothing happened. I figured, Oh, he suggests to stop by my room and copy notes when I could've sent them to him on-line...but no. he just copied the notes and left.
For some reason, I started crying this morning after listening to my mother gush to Becca about how happy she was that Becca and John found such nice people to date. I just get so depressed when I'm around John and Becca. People say I'm sweet and pretty and smart etc etc, but it doesn't make me feel any better when the best I can get is random hook-ups at college.
I am so sick of people telling me things will change...when you go to Syracuse...OK, when you go to Binghamton...when you graduate college...maybe...
I hate being alone but i hate being at home. I feel like I'm in a losing competition with Becca and John.
I'm definitely venting more tonight, but I have be outside for Jake's b'day party.
Until later
Artist
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