It's Over (cont'd) 5/5/2002
I drew a small self-portrait of Justin simply because I like getting compliments from him and I wanted to procrastinate from doing my studio art final project. It looked like crap since he has weird eyes and eyebrows, He's not Asian, but they slant downwards as if he's scowling, even though he's not. It's a pain to draw him. I refused to give him the drawing, so he laughed and pulled the sketchbook, and me, into his lap. (If I were religious I would repent for the evil thoughts going through my head, but hey...I'm not). He thought the drawing was good apparently. He opened up his arms and said "Come here." Justin's not an affectionate person, and he has rarely hugged me. If we do hug, I'm the one to hug him. Anyway, so I didn't get what he wanted, so I stood there like an ass asking, "What?" He gave me the biggest hug. I am thoroughly jealous of his girlfriend now.....
Later, we got into one of our many notorious heated debates. Dionne, stayed silent was calmed everyone down when things got too crazy, Erin and I took the same position, while Justin took the opposite side. The whole thing was kicked off by Justin saying, "If I could have any power in the world, I would want to read peope's minds at will." Erin and I thought this was a terrible idea since everyone has thoughts that they wouldn't want others to know. It was one of the most interesting arguments I've ever had, and I want to write it down so I don't forget it. Feel free to skip ahead.
My strongest argument was that Justin loved his girlfriend and she loved him. However, even though she loved him, she probably had thoughts of other men, just as Justin has thoughts of other women. They both know that the other one has these thoughts and is OK with it, since its human nature, and after al, its just thoughts. However, but if you can see the other person's thoughts, they're no longer just anonymous thoughts about nameless and faceless men. What if, by reading her thoughts, he found out that she was innocently fantacizing about his best friend? His brother? That may kill the relationship, even though it was totally innocent dreaming.
Justin said that it wouldn't bother him. I don't believe that. Some people say and truly believe they will act or say certain things in a situation. However, when the situation actually presents itself, the things you thought you might say and do are totally different than the things you actually say and do in that given situation. Like if Justin, for whatever reason, started coming on to me, I would like to believe that I would do the moral thing and turn him away. Deep down I know that if actually placed in the situation, I'm honestly not sure what I would do...
Justin's other argument was that he would become a lawyer if he knew everyone's minds. He could read the minds of criminals, so he could prosecute them, and he'd win every trial. Erin's argument for that was that he'd get bored of winning eventually because arguing would no longer present a challenge. We all got into this whole debate about arguing because it presented a challenge to make one side see your side vs. arguing simply to ein. It was just as interesting as hell...I'll miss our arguments...
Anyway, I did happen to mention one thing to Justin. It was the closest I'd ever come to telling him about my feelings for him. I said, "Justin, what if you did have the power to read people's minds, and found out something you didn't want to know? Like let's say you had a friend named Mary. (Hell, I wasn't giving my name...) And Mary fantasized about you and her.
Wouldn't that hurt your friendship with her?" Justin's answer both hurt and relieved me. "No, it wouldn't. It would make it a better friendship because now there's nothing to hide; everything's out in the open." "But Justin, you wouldn't be uncomfortable?" "Nope, it wouldn't affect me." I dropped it and we stopped the debate after that.
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