Sixteen Days 4/16/2002
Did I mention how much I hate SU? I really do. Maybe its not the school; maybe its me. Everyone else seems to love it here. I feel so sad all of the time, and I'm sick of it. Every time I try and do something like go out and meet people, it fails miserably. I tried to talk to people in my hall and in my classes earlier this year and although few were outright rude, they just couldn't be bothered with me. I honestly just don't fit in.
A girl on OD left a note awhile ago, telling me she was thinking about going to Syracuse and wanted to know why I hated it. I hate the school because it seems that the school doesn't want me. I tried making friends at Hillel, but whenever they'd call the room, they'd ask for Linda. I tried making friends with Sara and Jess, but whenever I'd ask then to go to dinner or out to a party they were always busy. They're friends with Linda now, and although they're civil to me, it hurts. I tried being friends with the people in my classes, but in my entry called Worthiness, it didn't go so well. I tried the sorority route, which was a miserable disaster, and I got rejected as an RA, not to mention I got totally screwed with housing. They wouldn't even let me have a single room, even though I'd be a sophomore. For 35k/year, I don't want to hear that they're giving me freshman housing for two years in a row.
It took me six weeks to make two friends, Erin and Helen. Helen doesn't talk to me any more because of some stupid fight we had weeks ago and Erin can't be bothered. She and Justin only seem to talk to me A) when they need alcohol or B) when they don't want to eat alone but have no-one else to eat with. It may sound stuoid, but something like what went on today is a perfect example. Erin and her roommate got the idea that they were going to have a massive water fight outside of Flint. (I was actually dorky enough to go out and buy a water gun). Yeah...so I got back from class and see Erin and Justin filling up balloons in the floor kitchen. They SAW me coming into the dorm (Justin said hello so I know at least he saw) so they knew I was in my room. An hour later, Justin comes in my room totally soaked and asks for my water gun. They didn't even tell me it had started or that they were going outside. I know it sounds so retarded, but Erin and Justin constantly leave me out of things. When they need something is when they come to me.
This weekend I went to go and visit my sister (which is another diary entry). When I came back, Erin was raving about the frat party Dionne and her friends invited Erin to. Do you know how many times Dionne has said to me, "Yeah, Jessa and some friends are inviting me to a frat party this weekend. It's pretty exclusive, it's by inite only." Never once has Dionne ever said, "Hey ARTIST wanna come?" But she'll invite Erin. Aagain, I know it sounds petty, but when you live through it, its not.
I decided that when I leave, I'm not telling anyone. I'll just not come back. No-one has my real phone number, and its not like they would call anyway.
From now on, I'm just worrying about school. Its obvious that I lack huge amounts of social skills because people just don't like me. And I'm not going to waste huge amounts of time trying to make friends when I know its not worth it. So yeah, that was my pissed off/upset/homesick ramble.
Later
Artist
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