A Night For Jason 2/15/2001
Alex, if you're reading this, I'm really sorry if what I have to say offends you. It's how I feel, though.
For those of you who are scratching your heads, A Night for Jason is a talent show at my h.s. in honor of a popular alumni's younger sibling who died of leukemia. All of the proceeds go to the Leukemia Fund.
Three of my friends are performing in the show. I should have went, I know it would've been the right thing to do. As I was putting on my make-up and getting ready, I stopped and just stared at myself in the mirror. In my entry "Smurf" I declared I wasn't a doormat. I had been thinking about that little declaration since I typed it. In actuality, I am a doormat. I'm going to the show with three people, two of which I really don't like, I'm going to see friends perform who wouldn't notice if I showed up or not, and I plain just didn't feel like going. So what's the point? The point is, my entire life I've been trying to run around and please everyone else. I've been hanging out with some of these people for years, one person I've been friends with since elementary school, and not a single one of them knows my birthday. When they have parties, I'm left out because I'm not in Drama Club, or work in McDonalds, which means I'm not privy to the inside jokes and stories. So why bother? Very few people have ever gone out of their way for me. It's a childish attitude, but as my sister loves to tell me, I am, after all, just a child.
I was actually having a good day today; why I'm such a bad mood now I have no clue. In gym, me, Arnold, Joan, B, and B.G. were all hanging out and having fun in gym. We got to make our own teams today because it was one of the last days of volleyball. It seemed that every time I turned around to talk, the ball would come at me. The entire team would yell exaperatingly "ARTIST!" It was funny though because no-one really cared whether or not we lost. Joan kept walking around in her socks and made funny comments throughout the entire game. Arnold kept petting my hair and saying "It's ok" over and over jokingly. I think by that time I had missed the ball at least four times. I think he started to get a little pissed because at one point he suggested that I duck every time the ball came and he'd hit it for me. B.G. was in back of me and dived for the ball because I had missed it (surprise surprise). He ended up really messing up his knees, so I gave him a hug later and thanked him from "saving me from the ball." I thought it was kinda funny. So yeah, I had fun today.
We had a test in precalc and I think we did pretty good. AP English, Econ, AP Euro, and Keyboarding were all uneventful. I didn't have any tests or anything. Later today, I just became really grouchy. I kept thinking of A.N.F.J. Why am I even going? Did any of them, with the occaisonal e-mail from Angyl, write me over the summer when I was at CMU? No. Did I write to them? At least six times. So why bother? I'm a freaking doormat...And on top of everything, I have to wait till April to hear from my schools. I know I'm going to end up hurting her a little because she's singing and I told her I would go. Alex, if you are reading this, I am truly sorry I didn't get to see you perform. I'm sure you did wonderfully, as always. I just couldn't go; I'm sorry. But the "popular people" are being the MC's, and I just couldn't bear paying eight bucks to watch them.
Random comment: I was reading this entry from one of the guys on my favorites list and his roommate and the roommate's girlfriend have sex in the room late at night. They ask him if its ok, and he said yeah, but still...I mean, when people ask you "Is this okay with you?" you're almost expected to say yes. If you say no you look like an asshole. He just verbalized my biggest fear of my roommate--her having sex in the room with a guy or girl. That would just totally creep me out. I mean ewwwww have some decency. What, they think you can't hear them having sex or something? I would want to crawl into a hole and disappear. Grrrr...
Anyway
Until later
Artist
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