Explode in The First Life

Capped.
Head wound tight around my neck.
It’s hard to breathe
Harder to think
Heart dissolving in emotional bile
A chain reaction with nowhere to go.
We look up
Catch a breath while no one is aware
Fingers swollen
Legs numb
Deny it. Deny it. Deny it.
Imagining cracks in pavement.
Each foot slapping harshly against the ground.
Try to escape
Try to get back
Just stay. Stay.
Find me and stay.
Be the ocean again,
Take it away
Meet the sand and the sun
Let me ebb and flow in your tides
Watch me explode
A cocktail of reminiscing and acceptance
A swirl of regret over missed lines and times I “should have ” done anything.
I’m doing something.
Eyes and lines and lines
Just forget
Please forget
Mind the time spent with distance
Release me