Crying in Diary...thoughts

It’s late at night .. I’m laying in bed with my husband and toddler between us.. there both asleep.. I’m awake and can’t help bu cry and be scared of my own self. Because I feel like I can’t handle it anymore.. it’s like in looking at myself from a window watching myself and the way I’m acting.. normal people don’t do impulsive things.. leave at 3 in the morning to meet someone from Craigslist because I’m reaching out for help but in all the wrong ways!! I cry because I’m scared of what I will do next.. I would never hurt anyone but myself .. but I’m still scared ..