Bear(squared) and School in 2017

My Ivy Bear arrived on Thursday. 5lbs and 12oz of teddy bear.

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Im happy to have it, and am appreciative that a non-profit such as MollyBears exists. But more than that, today Im feeling kind of angry that I have all these ‘things’ in memory of my baby, but no baby.

Really, I know it will pass. Life goes on. I feel like I’ll feel a bit better once Matt returns to work (Thursday). Then we can try to fall back into a pattern of what our new normal will be. I totally get that his program wasnt a vacation....but I feel like it was excessive for him to take the extra two weeks. Thats two more weeks at a severely decreased pay. We are at something like 6 weeks now on this piddly fractionated pay. And I’m really trying to stretch a dime. We have gotten hand outs from my parents, and to a lesser extent his parents, and Im just feeling very much over this stage of my life. Its hard for me to not be an ass to Matt about the money issue (I’ve been doing a good job restraining myself). Especially since his cigarette habit has increased to nearly a pack a day, and he cant seem to stop buying things! Seriously!! I did have words with him yesterday because he bought an online game mere hours after I said something to him about taking the kids to the gas station for slushies. These little incidentals typically would be no big deal. And yet somewhere in the “be a good support person” handbook I’m not supposed to get angry about being broke. About thousands of dollars of drugs ending up his nose. Money, some of which, that was donated in memory of Ivy.

Thinking about it manifests in anxiety heartburn…so moving on.

We are headed to build-a-bear for a birthday party this afternoon. Thankfully I have some cash from Mom to get presents for the boys.

Ugh.

Later I will pick up the school supplies I pre-ordered for Fiona’s upcoming school year. Could we really be coming up to first grade already!? 6 more weeks of summer or something crazy like that. She’s all set with a backpack, since shes not yet old enough to think she needs a new one every year. New to us will be lunch times at school…so I do need to find a lunch bag. If you have any suggestions for a Rookie School Mom, I’m all ears.