I don’t even know where to start. It has been two years since I last wrote an entry. I really want to start this journal again so that one day I can look back on what life was like during my 30’s. This is the first year of my 30’s and sometimes it feels like I was just turning 21. Other days, it feels like a lifetime since I was 21. I didn’t know how simple my life was back then. No one can prepare you for Motherhood. It has been a crazy journey but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
My girls are growing fast. C turns 6 next month (that can’t be) and N is already 2. I started working full time almost 3 years ago and although I love my job, I constantly feel guilty that I can’t be there all the time. The work/life balance is a real struggle. I feel like I am never doing enough even though I am busting my butt whether I am at work or home. I miss them all day, but after getting dinner cleaned up I am so exhausted. Then there is bath time, and I hardly get time to just play with them. I pray that when they grow up, they will know that I did the very best I could. I hope they understand they are my life. Everything I do is for them. They are constantly on my mind. Lately, I have been feeling alone as a full-time working mom but I know there are thousand of moms around the world in the same boat. I am lucky that I have my husband, but I don’t feel like he is that “helpful” and it feels as though the weight of motherhood never leaves my shoulders. I don’t think he fully understands what I am going through as a full-time working mom. It is so much pressure being the glue that holds the family together, and I pray that I will be enough.
I have so much to be thankful for, but life can be so overwhelming. I feel like there are about 20 balls bouncing in my court, and I keep dropping them. I need strength to live my best life and get better at balancing my work life and personal life.
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