I'm sure if I thought about it and took the time, I could write forever. But it's like when I bring this up, I just get ADD and bored.
Im at the point where I want to just scrub this whole online diary thing...but it's been a part of me for so long, it's like I can't fully walk away.
Kiddo turns 8 in a month. I have no idea what to get him and we can't figure out where to have his party. He keeps changing his mind. I hate throwing parties. I'm a bad mom, but it's true. The only ones who ever show up are his cousins and my boss's little boy. Most of my other friends don't show up. Now he's at the age where he'll want to invite his friends from school. Which means if they show up, I'll have to make awkward conversations with their parents. I hate meeting new people. I always feel socially retarded and I'm afraid they wont get my sense of humor and it'll just be a disaster. The thought of it gives me anxiety.
I met this guy. He seemed nice. Went on a date, had good deep conversations. He's starting to go to church, wants to do somethings different in life, much respect for all that. Then the first time I'm at his house, things go to far with some making out and whatnot. I told him I'm not about sex right now. Yes I want it, it's been a freaking YEAR! but I'm not worried about it right now. he keeps saying he's a bad person, he can't control himself like I can.....which in turn will mean this will all play itself out and he'll quit texting. Which only means, he's not the one for me. Sex is just not something i'm willing to deal with right now. I'm not the girl who sleeps with the guy after only 1 date. I'm done with all that bull.
I'm starting to think I have a man repellant on me. If I'm the slutty girl, I get used, if I'm not the slutty girl, I get ignored. I'm just done with all this. Once again, i don't know why I try.
Work is work, my new car is still awesome (I found out it can read my my text and I can speak reply) I'm still a 31 year old loser living at home, not fully divorced, single struggling mother. Tis life.
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