Leftover From Yesterday in diary

So, I survived. I still know I am not in as good of shape as I thought I was. Naomi Judd was on a commercial for ET I think it was, saying she is extremely depressed. It made me think that the last I had heard from her is that she had …well shoot can’t think of the name…but some serious illness…the one you can get from…hepatitis that’s it.
Anyways. I feel extremely depressed, but part of that depressed is being sick. Some of it is still remaining issues from Dad dying, but after he died I did finally get my shit together a couple years on and then the sick kicked in. Slowly at first. The fatigue and painfully stimulated parts. And it just has went on for now 3 years..or maybe 4 …I was trying to work that out because it was right after winter program but not sure how many winter programs ago that was.
But here I am today....Days when fatigue is like a pass out thing for a few hours at least half of the evenings, muscle weakness that makes going up doorsteps hard most days, almost never waking up refreshed and often waking up in fear that Ihave not been breathing even with a cpap. And the rash or whatever it is behind my left knee is back to smelling today.
So I did nothing today. Had toast for lunch and planned to go before that to get B12 and get my blood tests for my dr apt in a week or so done at the same time. But had to schedule the B12 for tomorrow as they were down a nurse so the blood tests will be then too. So....today I…went down to check mail and made a decent supper. Aside from tv and internet that is the extent of my day. I should have bathed but not sure if bathing or not bathing the behind the knee thing is a goodthing. So will bath before tomorrow’s apt.
I had a little fear of getting stuck if I went anywhere ..and no desire to go anywhere…and even a fear of all my energies going to removing snow from my car ..let alone trudging snow to get to my car.
Is it still depression when it is a result of circumstance and health? You know like when your parents said ‘stop crying or I will give you a reason to cry!’, is it still depression of you have a reason to cry?
Can’t afford a therapist so not sure the difference matters.