A few jazz bands ago, I asked Mr. Casto if he had found anything for me to play on flute for a combo.
"No. Actually, I completely forgot I said I'd do that." He then proceeded to talk to himself for a few minutes about different songs, who they were by, random facts about the musicians that played them, what albums they were of off, and their advantages and disadvantages for our purposes. In the middle of this, an idea hit me.
"Hey, you know what I figured out one time that sounds pretty good on flute? Footprints."
"Footprints... What's that off of, Miles Smiles?"
"Yeah," said Julian, who had been listening in rather conspicuously.
"Alright, sounds good. Let's do it. Rob, do you know that tune?" he shouted to Rob from the other side of the room. Rob started playing it. "Good. So we'll get some people together..."
"Uh -" said Julian, still standing there looking kind of awkward. "I already know it too. You know, if you... want an alto on it."
I beamed a little internally. He doesn't not want to play with me ever again! He volunteered to be in my combo!
"Yeah, I think that would work well. It has a cool harmony - you guys can work it out." We made a few seconds of aknowledging eye contact.
I told Dave about him volunteering to be in my combo when we were discussing his ongoing connection with Malcolm and whether or not we still had a band.
"Hm," he said, obviously joking. "Let's read into everything."
"Let's not," I said. "I mean, just because he wants to play one gig with me doesn't mean he wants to maintain a permanent connection, even musically..."
"I was joking."
"And I mean, he wasn't in a combo yet, and I assume he's used to being in combos and he wanted to be in one and knew that it was his only chance..."
"I know, I was joking."
"We're probably only going to rehearse once. It probably won't even require him making eye contact with me. And besides, it's quite possible he likes me better on flute than on guitar, because I mean, I'm not even that good at guitar..."
"Aidan, I was joking."
"I know."
Pause.
"I think he knows nothing's changed."
"Why?"
"I dunno. I just get the feeling. I think he knows everyone else knows too."
"I think he knows I know."
"I think he assumes you know. I think he probably suspects that other people know too. Remember that time that Tom said that I'd win the awkward game with him hands down?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe it would be better if everyone didn't know. A freaking lot of people know."
"I wonder how that happened."
"Shut up."
Pause.
"Did you know that most famous asexuals are musicians?"
"Where did that come from?"
"I dunno. I just thought it was interesting."
"Who are famous asexual musicians?"
"Nobody I recognized. But the list was like, 'composer, composer, pianist, Ralph Nader, composer, Hans Christian Anderson, painter, composer.'"
"Ralph Nader's asexual?"
"That's what Wikipedia said. I wouldn't know, personally."
"Huh. How does that stay in the gene pool?"
"I dunno. How does homosexuality stay in gene pool? It's environmental, or it's a genetic fluke, or it's just random. Imagine what that's like though - I mean, imagine how much extra mental energy would be available if you just never concerned yourself with sex ever."
Pause.
"I'm just saying."
"I'm not really the kind of person... who plays the awkward game."
"It's weird - it's like he's married... to being alone."
"I'm sorry. It was a difficult and stressful moment."
"Can you be happy like that? Just refusing to get involved in anything emotional?" "I think some people can."
The combo went okay on jazz night. No, it went well. But not extraordinarily well. It was still a pretty song. It still had Jay playing the jazz organ (which he is about as good at as he is at the saxophone.) It still had a jazz flute, and people still went, "Ooh! A jazz flute solo!" My solo was technically good, but it was soulless. And way too long. On stage, I kept expecting that if I kept going I would get more into it. But I didn't. I started loosing intensity and repeating myself and not developing what I had set up in the first part of the solo. I wasn't feeling it, and I should have stopped halfway through what I actually played. Just a little thing - something that I could have done better, but didn't. Furthermore, Julian and I weren't playing together. We were playing next to each other and at the same time. He glanced at me once, to say, "let's start playing the head again," but otherwise there was no interaction. After the combo, we sat down next to each other and watched the teachers (Mr. Casto on guitar, Mr. Thomas on trombone, and JV jazz band guy on trumpet) play with Jay, Rob and Noah. It was absolutely amazing, and he kept making comments to me about how absolutely amazing it was. I tried not to watch him physically getting into the music. After the concert I got a few compliments, but, understandably, not as many as last time. Julian's mother stopped me as I walked by her.
"Aidan, that was absolutely beautiful. Julian didn't tell me you two were playing a duet! Now - was that all just improvisation?"
"Well not the head, but the solo, yeah."
"It was excellent. And that song... did you guys write it?"
"No, no."
I looked over to someone who looked to be in his early twenties, wearing a college t-shirt and talking to Mr. Thomas. He had been hanging around with Julian's dad earlier that night.
"Is that... Your other son?" I have heard a fair amount about The Brother and how cool he is. Julian seems to hero worship him, so I always imagined him to be Julian, only moreso, much the same way that Liz is in many ways Molly but moreso. But this kid was... of average height and weight, and seemed to be personable and completely comfortable in a crowd. He looked... cool, and ordinary. It was kind of weird.
"Oh, you haven't met Jack?" she sounded genuinely surprised for some reason. Even though I can't think of a situation where it would have been possible or expected for me to meet Jack. She started over the where he was standing with Mr. Thomas like she was seriously going to introduce us, but got intercepted by her husband, who seemed to have something important to tell her.
Yeah, she has no idea what happened.
I suppose what really occoured to me when Alice said, as if surprised that anyone would think otherwise, "Julian? I always thought he was asexual" was just a word to describe what I already knew. Even so, I guess words can be helpful in some ways. And so can Wikipedia.
Yay, labels.
I am going to bed. It is so late that I honestly can't even tell whether or not this entry is any good.
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