It is course selection time at our school. It is also the time of junior year when people tell you, "okay, time to start freaking out about college." So I have been. And I have come to the following conclusion: music has become such a huge part of my life that I can no longer imagine my life not being based on it. I know that I'm good at math and science and writing and that I should probably get a "serious" job and that it is important to have stability in your life and to make money. But somehow, I can't make myself care about any of that when I think about how good I feel whenever I pick up an instrument. Screw society. I am going to be a music major.
This actually scares me quite a bit. Even if I were an amazingly good musician within my highschool, I would still probably get to college and look at the other music majors and feel inferior and have a hard time keeping up. I am not amazingly good within this highschool. I can think of many, many people who are better than me, in terms of both creativity and skill. I think it's a considerable possibility that once I get to college, I will crash and burn. To decrease the probability of this happening, I have decided to start practicing. Every day. I have also decided to take an online music theory course, and do a senior exhibition, which I am wicked excited about: start a jazz band open to all instruments, in the hopes of getting a really weird mix. Then write and/or arrange music for it, perhaps with the help of other people in the group. I think that you could end up with some really cool and different stuff writing for a combination of instruments that's never been tried before. So far it looks like we could have a trombone, trumpet, saxophone, two flutes and two violas in addition to a rhythym section. IT IS GOING TO BE FREAKING AWESOME. HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I AM WICKED EXCITED ABOUT IT?
That's it for now. This is the best, longest thing I've been able to produce on this subject for some reason. I guess it's just so big and so sudden and so weird that my usual writing-about-teenage-drama-and-mundane-things style doesn't work so well. I know what I want to do with my life. Huh.
I am definately on a high right now. A substantial one. Lately I have been much more social, much happier, much more energetic, and just excited about everything all the time. I think this actually has a lot to do with Julian. And I don't know why. I still love him. I love him twice as much as I ever did Adam, and it feels good, and I don't even care that he doesn't love me back. I still can't figure out whether or not that's healthy.
(I also finally got a topic approved by Ms. Bio. Still the effects of music on the brain, I just have to do a research project on it instead of an experiment. Now let's see how long I put off actually doing it.)
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