Needs... in Fresh Start...

I need to catch up… it’s ridiculous.

Nothing much has changed with JM. Sex still isn’t really happening. I’m still trying and still getting no results. It’s frustrating. I did sorta make him cry but it wasn’t on purpose. I just got really irritated when he said he didn’t want to go eat dinner with me and my friends when he had the night off and I hadn’t hardly seen him all week. I told him I wasn’t on his priority list which is true. Cooking dinner for his parents and going to the liquor store for his mother rank higher. Anyways… he ended up going out that night but then I had a few drinks and was all horny and trying to kiss on him in the car after and he actually told me to stop on multiple occasions and said he needed to get home. Bullshit I say. It’s like 1 step forward 2 steps back. Then like 2 nights later I had a couple drinks with K and was fairly inebriated and ridiculously horny and JM decided to come over to try and surprise me after he got out of work. That’s all well and good but basically means he’s showing up at my house at 2am when my alarm goes off at 6am. He gets there and he’s obviously trying super hard. He’s not completely terrible with his hands or mouth but not exactly something to write home about either. But then he tries to actually have sex with me. He’s barely hard enough to get it in. It doesn’t stay hard either. He’s on top of me and the physical exertion is obviously killing him. He can’t seem to breath and he’s drenched with sweat, then his skin is like ice and he’s done but not done and I’m seriously concerned. It was most definitely not worth waking up for. But he was just so convinced that he did good and obviously trying really hard and not being a little encouraging would’ve felt like kicking a puppy… a really cute tiny puppy at that. But God it was terrible.

And I like him as a person, but the sex isn’t working and I think I just need more and I’m not really sure what to do. I feel bad bc he’s introduced me to his friends and recently said something about introducing me to his parents after the holidays, which is apparently something he’s never done. I kinda feel like I should break it off sooner rather than later, but I’m trying to give him a chance, and just argh…