I want him to stop talking to her.
He can’t abandon anyone (or thing-he’s such a pack rat).
She’s having a shitty time at life. So much is going bad for her, and much of it is medically related. Stuff she has no control over. She relies upon him as a rock. He’s one of her few friends, despite having never met in person.
He sees someone hurting and in pain, someone who needs him, someone he cannot abandon.
I feel like a selfish bitch for wanting him to stop. He could be a support system for her that she desperately needs.
But at the same time, I really wish I had closure. I wish that the connection was not such that she needed him. I wish that they did not have this connection so that she could rely on him so.
And I don’t know, maybe I’m worried that he relies upon her, too.
You want to know the most disturbing/masochistic apart? I’m friends with her, too. When everything all came out, she wanted to talk to me to apologize. And so we text every once in a while, but it’s been quite a while since we’ve talked. We’re friends on Facebook, although recently I unfollowed her. I don’t know what is best for me-keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Or cut her out so I don’t have the constant reminder?
What’s really frustrating is she is a nice person. I don’t dislike her. Maybe we could be real friends if she hadn’t decided to cyber fuck my husband. And truth be told, if she were to read this, I think she’d be very hurt at how I feel. I don’t want to hurt her-or anyone. Two wrongs don’t make a right. But I also don’t want to hurt any more myself.
I feel like the Christian thing would be to turn the other cheek, welcome her as a friend and embrace her friendship with my husband.
But the human thing is to hold a grudge, to see hurt, anger, and frustration every time I see her face, and at the very least to protect myself from any further indiscretions.
I’m trying to figure out how to forgive and heal all at once, and I’m afraid my perceptions of what those two actions look like are very contradictory.
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