My wedding ceremony was 4 years ago in 2016 is almost over

We traveled back to Washington to finally celebrate our wedding ceremony with family and friends. We got married on paper in 2009 before he signed up to join the Army. I was looking through pictures and we were so happy back then. I remember it so vividly. Getting ready with my bridesmaids and my mom, laughing and drinking. Walking down the aisle and seeing this newfound love in his eyes, it was like falling in love all over again. Holding his hands and saying our vows. Dancing in the moonlight by Thin Lizzy was our song. We had a routine. It was spectacular and memorizing. Fast forward to 2016, divorced for a year as of Halloween. I am laying in bed as i write this engaged to another man and we have a son. Thinking back on how that day felt and going through memories of how it all fell apart, I don’t think i can do it all again. Sometimes i miss him and what we had and i wish i could have let go of the moment that i knew it was all over. I fought for us for 3 years before finally calling it off and walked away. I wonder what he is doing today and if he thought of me. Feeling this way makes me think i am cheating my fiancee and our son. It all happened so fast with us and sometimes i can see the end. It always ends. I believe in true love and i believe that there is the one out there for everyone. I just think i have had that already along long time ago and i messed that up too. We tried to be friends, but everytime i looked and talked to him that feeling was just too powerful so i said goodbye and tried to fix my marriage. In the end that failed. My only hope is that i can be an amazing mom and hope that one day i will look at my fiancee and he will be my one. I love him but its missing that special feeling that ive only felt once in my life and im afraid ill never find that again.