I have assembled a soundtrack for my life over the last three or four years, and I have decided to share it with you. I guess the fact that there is a song associated with every major event in my life just goes to show how ridiculously important music is to me. But you already knew that.
Here it is. Sorry for reposting a lyric or two.
Blister in the Sun, by the Violent Femmes. May, 7th grade. A bunch of us sleep over Molly's, and we watch a movie that has this song at the end at about two o'clock in the morning. We are all still singing it at breakfast the next day.
Understatement, by New Found Glory. July, before 8th grade. I am at camp. We are all walking to the beach. These kids are carrying a radio. When this song comes on, one kid hoists it up onto his shoulders. It is dusk and there is a cool sea breeze. I think about how content I feel and wonder whether I have a crush on Mark, even though I have Tom at home.
The Background, by Third Eye Blind. October, 8th grade. I listen to this song and wonder why I've broken up with Tom, when I obviously still like him. So what's the use of lying, I only feel for you. I only know because I carry you around in the background.
Out of Controll, by Hoobastank. April, 8th grade. I am struggling with what I believe in and trying to decide whether or not to get confirmed. I interpret the song as being addressed to God. I've done everything as you say. I've followed your rules without question. I thought it would help me see things clearly. But instead of helping me to see, I look around and it's like I'm blinded... I don't understand what you want from me, and I don't know if I can trust you or all of the things you've said to me.
I'd Do Anything, by Simple Plan. July, before 9th grade. I begin to realize that Mark loves me, for real. I close my eyes, and all I see is you. I close my eyes, I try to sleep, I can't forget you. I'd do anything for you. He tells me this - that he misses me so much at night that he can't sleep. I don't love him back.
Where is My Mind, by the Pixies. September, 9th grade. I hang out with Emma, Helen, and Molly. We listen to this song in silence, because we all love it.
Make Me Smile, by Chicago. September, 9th grade. I become part of the marching band. This is our opener. I hear it approximately five thousand times over the next three months.
Losing My Religion, by REM. March, 9th grade. I am extremely depressed. This song plays on almost every morning busride. It echoes my loneliness.
I Miss You, by Blink 182. April, 9th grade. I have a hopeless crush on Adam. We both talk about how we like this song. I listen to it at night and miss him so much it hurts. I wonder whether based on this, I love him as much as Mark loved me. I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight. I need somebody and always, this sick, strange darkness comes creeping on, so haunting every time... Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
No Rain, by Blind Melon. June, 9th grade. I am finally in a relationship with Adam but don't know how to handle it. I complain to Molly, Emma and Helen. They endure my whining and we listen to this song in silence, because we all love it. I think about how lucky I am to have them.
Hotel California, by the Eagles. July, before 10th grade. I go to the beach with Dave and Greg. It is a pretty rockin' time. We listen to this song on the way back. I can still feel the sunburn and the sand.
El Scorcho, by Weezer. August, before 10th grade. I go to a concert with Molly, Emma, and Helen. I wonder why I haven't seen Adam in two weeks. The band plays this song, and I wallow in my depression. The next day is our first kiss.
En Aranjuez, Con Tu Amor, by John Anderson. August, before 10th grade. Band camp. It is night and it is raining. We are all gathered in a creaky old barn to rehearse the second song for the first time. We are all tired and sweaty, but we are tired and sweaty as a community. Adam is ignoring me. He is standing right next to Bonnie, and I want to reach out and touch him, but somehow I can't. The music starts, sad and slow and beautiful. It echoes my mood perfectly. Then there is a crecendo, and it sounds like we have all burst into tears. The music fills the barn. I never forget the first time we played that song, and I think about it every time I have to perform it. I decide it must be a love song, about missing someone.
Sing Sing Sing, by Benny Goodman. October, 10th grade. I actually have a real boyfriend, and I can hardly believe it. He loves Benny Goodman, and he tells me to buy this song, so I do. I picture him playing the clarinet solo.
I'll Be, by Edwin McCain. December, 10th grade. Adam and I slowdance to this song. I love him.
Don't Get Around Much Anymore, by Ella Fitzgerald. (or at least that's my favorite version.) January, 10th grade. I find out how much breakups suck. When I sing this song, I feel like I am getting some of the pain out.
Ob-La-Dee, Ob-La-Da, by the Beatles. February, 10th grade. My band has a real live performance. And Adam brings his new girlfriend to it.
Caring is Creepy, by the Shins. February, 10th grade. I listen to this song when I am in France, because it's good to hear a little English. The melody is beautiful and a little unreal, like the trip and the country.
I Will Survive, by Gloria Gaynor. March, 10th grade. I have another band, and I am determined to get over Adam, for real. We are covering this song. I get to sing it. At first I was afraid. I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong, and I grew strong, and I learned how to get along.
The Last Last One, by the Weakerthans. April, 10th grade. I have a real conversation with Adam for the first time since we broke up. This thows the getting over him thing right out the window. So here's the last one I have left. We fell a little deep. I watched you fall asleep. And nothing happens in the end. But I remember when I could remember when. Seems like a long time ago now.
Ain't No Use, by Nina Simone. April, 10th grade. I realize I'll be able to get over him, but it's gonna suck. I sing this song a lot to make myself feel better. Ain't no use baby, I'm leavin' the scene. Ain't no use baby, you're just too damn mean. Yes, I'm tired of payin' dues, having the blues, gettin' bad news. Ain't no use.
Some Skunk Funk, by Billy Cobham. April, 10th grade. I go to jazz night and watch Julian play. I wonder whether I have another crush, and then whether I even want one.
L'Infidel, by Csokolom. May, 10th grade. I am myseriously happy. I listen to this crazy Eastern European folk music and run around the school building for no reason other than I feel like running.
Think, by Aretha Franklin. June, 10th grade. I begin to realize that Adam is truly a jerk.
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