I think by now it's time he had an entry named after him.
Today we had marching band practice in preparation for memorial day. It went fairly well, although there were plenty of people who just didn't show up. Valerie was the only section leader (besides Andy the drum captain, of course. He doesn't even count. If he didn't show up, it would be considered drumline treason.) and Eric was the only trumpet. We're a small band to begin with, but today the band room looked almost empty. Anyway, the practice was short, since Mr. Thomas, as usual, is clearly exhausted. (He teaches at every school in the system - nine of them - runs marching band, gives lessons, and has a two year old child.) After practice I stood outside in the rain with Dave for quite some time. We talked about whatever for a while, and then he started talking about how excited he is that we're going to be the trombone section next year.
"...Yeah," I said. "I'm still a little... aprehensive about switching instruments."
"Don't be! Switch!"
"But what if I suck?"
"So? Just do the same thing to me that I did to Lydia. If you get lost, fake it and copy my slide position exactly. No one will ever know." I laughed.
"Yeah, but... I forgot how much I like the flute. And... I really want to be section leader," I admitted.
"It'll be fine. Bonnie will be the flute section leader once Valerie graduates, and she's really good."
"Yeah, but she's said several times that she doesn't want a leadership position. And... And I do."
There was a pause. "You know Aidan, if it really means that much to you, you can have the low brass section leadership senior year, assuming Schultz gets drum major. You've been in the band longer than I have."
My mouth fell open. Dave's been talking about how badly he wants to be low brass section leader almost since he joined. "Dude! I've never even touched a low brass instrument. You've been playing trumpet since you were eight. Senior year, you're still going to be better than me at trombone."
"That's not what matters," he said, dismissing it. "You're a good musician, and you're good with... rookies. I'm telling you, you can have it."
"Whatever. It doesn't mean that much to me." We went back to talking about whatever. Eventually it got to Greg's New Year's Eve party.
"Remember how everyone was playing DDR, and then everyone got sick of it but no one could shut it off, so the music was just playing all night?" he said.
"Yeah, and out-of-tune rock was playing at the same time, because people were just picking up our instruments and playing them?"
"And how Adam got all freaked out when people touched his guitar, even though it was definately not an especially good model?"
"...But people did anyway."
"Well, he wasn't exactly availiable to tell them not to, was he?"
I ignored this. "I think he like, died."
"What?"
"I haven't even seen him in two weeks or something."
He made a face. "Maybe he's just avoiding you again. Maybe it's something to do with... the new one."
"He's good at hiding, isn't he?"
"Extremely good."
After I got picked up, I thought, "Shit. Shit. He has a crush on me again. And frankly, I don't blame him. We hang out ALL THE TIME. We have great conversations. We seem to really understand each other. But I'm just too goddamn shallow. I'm just not attracted to him... God, I can't believe he's willing to give up being section leader. I shouldn't have let him play my flute. I shouldn't have moved his fingers to the right places, showing him how to hold it. I shouldn't have traded glasses with him. I shouldn't walk so close to him in the hallways. I should've been more careful when we switched ipods this morning, so that our hands didn't touch. I flirt with him all the time, and nothing can ever come of it. I've been doing it for years now. God, the poor bastard."
I hold out hope, however, that he honestly thinks that highschool relationships are stupid by definition, and therefor that anything he may feel for me never progresses. It makes sense. It's stayed at its present level for... what, four, five years now? And it's never been prominant enough to make me too uncomfortable. So hopefully I don't need to worry about anything. But still, I'm pretty sure I'm not wrong about this one, and I feel bad.
Still sick. And I am so not prepared for the math test tomorrow.
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