Well, it's Sunday morning and I'm obsessing. Last night I had depression insomnia. This means that for no good reason (a.k.a, Adam) I got so upset late last night that I couldn't fall asleep or even relax. You end up with a really bad headache and racing, irrational thoughts. Not to mention normal depression things, like the feeling that all of your internal organs have turned to liquid and are sloshing around, heavy, at the bottom of your torso, and that thing where you breath in and it doesn't feel like it accomplished anything. It was terrible. I didn't want to kill myself, (never have, just for the record) and I wasn't QUITE at the point of wanting to kill him, but I did genuinely have the strong urge to beat him up. Like, with a heavy metal object. It just didn't seem fair at the time (what with my racing, irrational thoughts) that he never had to pay for what he did to me. Lately, on and off, I've been thinking, "He doesn't deserve to be on good terms with me." But last night I was thinking, "He doesn't deserve to walk around without being in excruciating pain at all times."
Of course, now that it's morning I don't feel like that, mostly because I no longer feel any of the pain that he inflicted. Yes, over the past five months he has repeatedly steamrolled my heart. But it WAS just a series of mistakes. I mean, it's not like he's mean or even thoughtless. I think he's just really stupid. I think he just doesn't quite get it - how I felt about him and what that means.
But really, I can't believe he has ANOTHER girlfriend. Why did he appologize to me about Nora if he was just going to go do the same thing again? Idiot. Slut. Ugh!
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