…Because dating can turn into a full-time gig if you’re not careful.
Let’s start with Friday night, shall we? Earlier in the week I’d had an amazing date with someone I named Futhermucker (because he likes to curse). I think it was Monday. He’d walked the dog with me, had plenty of drinks and wonderful storytelling. He was super intelligent, easy on the eyes, a great dresser, and as it turns out, and amazing kisser!
We decided to meet at a different bar downtown on Friday evening. Actually, no! He walked to my apartment to meet me and then we walked to the bar together. That was nice. He was so easy to talk to and I felt all-around comfortable with him. We got to the bar and sat down and continued the conversation.
The only thing was, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking about The Tree. We had a date planned for the next night, and he was watching his kid on Friday, and at some point during the evening he sent me a “thinking about you” text because I’m sure he had an idea that I was on a date (let’s be realistic…we’re all on Tinder, right?). Bottom line was, I’m more into The Tree than I am the Futhermucker, so I think that played into the evening.
Still, I was enjoying the scene with the FM and I was interested in learning more about him - particularly where he was in the divorce process with his wife. So I asked. He told me it would be final in November…he thought. It’s so funny how many times these guys (and girls?) don’t know the details of what they’re actually doing. But then, I’ve never had to go through a divorce, so I don’t exactly know how it works myself. Anyway…according to the FM the divorce was nearly final and he was ready for that.
Right.
Then, he kind of got into how he and his “wife” (never referred to her as his ex) had opened up their marriage about a year before they decided to get divorced and I guess that didn’t work out so well for them. But whatever. Not judging.
But I did ask more questions because I was curious as to how that worked. Or didn’t work. He went into the details of how they let each other date other people and how she wasn’t as emotionally mature as he is and the marriage fell apart because of all of that.
And then, the attention turned to me.
He started asking questions about me and my previous relationships. And I was happy to answer things about my two ex-fiancés and previous boyfriends and all of that.
But then he dug deeper. And it started to get downright dirty.
He wanted to know all kinds of things about what I do in my private time: how often I masturbated, did I watch a lot of porn, and did I have any toys?
And he wanted to know how turned on I was while I was talking about all that. I told him I was kinda turned on, I guess…but it was just kind of awkward because I figured out pretty quickly that he and I were not on this date for the same reasons.
Soon enough, we’d had enough to drink and it was getting late anyway, so we decided to walk back to my place. He asked if he could come up, and I said I wasn’t ready for that. He seemed cool with that. Then he asked if we could have a repeat of our make-out sesh in the hallway of the building. I told him I’d do him one better and take him to the rooftop. He was clearly excited about that. I was meh. Not feeling it for him anymore. He’d turned into this little boy just salivating for some candy.
We made it up to the rooftop after having to walk over someone’s spill. There had been a wedding that evening on the roof and the cleaning crew was up there, mopping and breaking down tables and doing the other clean up stuff.
It was going to be impossible to have any kissing privacy while we were there, but that didn’t stop him from trying. I shut him down really quickly because PUBLIC and CLEANING CREW. Come on, dude.
That was it. I was done. I walked him down to the elevator and then out the door. He gave me one more kiss that he tried to make all toungue-y and I just pulled back and said goodnight.
He sent me a text after he’d walked home telling me he made it home safely and he was just “unbuttoning my pants and sliding my hand into my underwear thinking of making out with you in the elevator…“
And then, “What’re you doing”
I didn’t answer. I mean, I told this to Athena on Sunday who said that what he said was one step away from a dick pic! I totally agree!
Late in the morning I finally answered him, telling him that I thought we were looking for two different things and that it was great to meet him and that he’s a very attractive guy in many ways, but…
He answered immediately, telling me he’d had an inkling I might say that and that there are no hard feelings and to give my best to my dog.
Dating is hard.
Speaking of hard, next up: The Tree.
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